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Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities.

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. 5paA
Globalization has resulted in more business and cultural contacts among different nations. This also means that in many ways people around the world are becoming more and more similar. This situation has both pros and cons which I shall discuss in the following paragraphs. There are many benefits of globalisation. To begin with there are more jobs because of globalisation. Multinational companies have opened in many parts of the world providing jobs to thousands of people. Secondly, there is more efficient trade between different countries around the globe thereby improving the economies of developing countries. People have more opportunities to travel and therefore have awareness of other cultures. What is more, today people have more choices of products because of globalisation. There are also many reasons why people say that national identities are being lost. We eat the same food, watch the same TV programmes, listen to the same music and wear the same clothes. People have also started speaking one language, English, in many parts of the world. In fact, English has become the lingua franca today. However, I feel that this is a very narrow definition of national identities and nations are as different as they were ever in the past. Cultural identity is based on far more than just the films we watch or the clothes we wear. For example, take my own culture of India and compare it to the west. We may wear any clothes, but we never take the names of elders and call them with respect. In the west, it is quite OK to call anyone by name. In fact, they appreciate it more. I believe that after knowing about other cultures, we learn to respect our culture even more. So, some very deep rooted national identities will always be there. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that there are more advantages of increasing trade and cultural contact among nations. Whatever similarities we see today are only on the surface. Total loss of national identities can never take place.
Globalization has resulted in more business and cultural contacts among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations.

This
also
means that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world are becoming more and more

similar. This situation has both pros and cons which I shall discuss in the following

paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with there are more jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of

Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
. Multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have opened in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world providing

jobs to thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, there is more efficient trade between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different


countries around the globe thereby improving the economies of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have more opportunities to travel and
therefore
have awareness of other cultures.

What is more
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more choices of products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
.

There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identities
are
being lost
. We eat

the same food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the same TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, listen to the same music and wear the

same clothes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
speaking one language, English, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the

world. In fact, English has become the lingua franca
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

However
, I feel that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
narrow definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identities
and nations are as

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
as they were ever in the past. Cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
is based
on far more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the

films we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or the clothes we wear.
For example
, take my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture of India and

compare it to the west. We may wear any clothes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we never take the names of elders

and call them with respect. In the west, it is quite OK to call anyone by name. In fact, they

appreciate it more. I believe that after knowing about other cultures, we learn to respect

our culture even more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
deep rooted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identities
will always be there.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that there are more advantages of increasing trade

and cultural contact among nations. Whatever similarities we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the

surface. Total loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identities
can never take place.
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IELTS essay Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities.

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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