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These days, a considerable amount of advertising is directed at children. Should it be banned because of the adverse effects? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, a considerable amount of advertising is directed at children. Should it be banned because of the adverse effects? g2gd
Nowadays, advertising is a key part of modern business and a large amount of advertisements is aimed at children. Some people believe that advertising should be banned due to its negative impacts, however I am the opinion that advertisements should not be completely prohibited. This essay will justify my point of view with valid arguments and examples. On the one hand, if ommercials can manipulate adults, they can have a considerably higher chance of tricking children. since they do not understand the value of money and they lack the ability to distinguish misleading or false information included in the advertisements, they will pester and put pressure on parents to buy the newest toy, for example. However expensive the toy is, with an attractive advertisement, children would beg their parents for it. In addition, children can easily be influenced by them. For instance, if their favourite cartoon character describes a product, which might have a destructive effect on their health, such as junk food, as the most delicious food, children will believe despite all the negative effects of advertised product. On the other hand, advertising is one of the key of a prosperous economy. Without it there would be higher unemployment. For example, McDonalds provides thousands of employment opportunities in advertising around the world. So, if advertising was banned, a huge number of workers, such as marketers, may become unemployed. In conclusion, although children-oriented advertising has a certain negative impacts, imposing a prohibition on it is unreasonable.
Nowadays, advertising is a key part of modern business and a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is aimed
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that advertising should
be banned
due to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts,
however
I am the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should not be completely prohibited. This essay will justify my point of view with valid arguments and examples. On the one hand, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
ommercials
can manipulate adults, they can have a
considerably
higher chance of tricking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
since
they do not understand the value of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they lack the ability to distinguish misleading or false information included in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, they will pester and put pressure on parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the newest toy,
for example
.
However
expensive the toy is, with an attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would beg their parents for it.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
be influenced
by them.
For instance
, if their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
cartoon character
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
a product, which might have a destructive effect on their health, such as junk food, as the most delicious food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will believe despite all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of advertised product.
On the other hand
, advertising is one of the key of a prosperous economy. Without it there would be higher unemployment.
For example
,
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
provides thousands of employment opportunities in advertising around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if advertising
was banned
, a huge number of workers, such as marketers, may become unemployed.
In conclusion
, although children-oriented advertising has a certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, imposing a prohibition on it is unreasonable.

IELTS essay These days, a considerable amount of advertising is directed at children. Should it be banned because of the adverse effects?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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