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Some people think that Zoos should be closed while others think that Rose plays an important role in saving the species discuss both the views and give your opinion

Some people think that Zoos should be closed while others think that Rose plays an important role in saving the species discuss both the views and give your opinion Oleyp
It is believed by the group of people that the wildlife preserving parks are rude towards fauna, so they must be closed because no proper food and behaviour of the workers in the Zoos. In my perspective, zoos plays an pivotal role in the preservation of animals due to safe environment they provide to animals. The individuals who are in the favour of closing zoos will argue that animals are not provided with good food and care by the workers in the zoo. Masses visiting to the zoological parks usually say that condition of the animals there is worse they only get the amount of food essential for their survival even sometimes remain hungry for 2-3 days. Moreover, trainers usually react rudely towards the animals as, they want animals should always be calm and often during the training they beat them recklessly. Thus these proponents consider that to save the wildlife zoos must be closed. Moving further to my viewpoint, that zoos provide safe environment to the extincting species. Logical parts do not allow people to hunt animals and also save them from the Predator. The preservation of the fauna is need of an hour because if any species come on the verge of the end it leads great damage to the life cycle and food chain of the living beings. Apart from this, environment like forest is provided there, so that animals would be able to live according to their lifestyle. To recapitulate, logical Park play a great role in saving animals and also give opportunities to the people to observe the activities of the different types of animals, but at the same time there should be proper check on the service, so that they may not harm the animals in anyway
It
is believed
by the group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the wildlife preserving parks are rude towards fauna,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be closed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the workers in the Zoos. In my perspective, zoos plays
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
pivotal role in the preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
due to safe environment they provide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. The individuals who are in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of closing zoos will argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are not provided with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and care by the workers in the zoo. Masses visiting to the zoological parks
usually
say that condition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
there is worse they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
essential for their survival even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
remain hungry for 2-3 days.
Moreover
, trainers
usually
react
rudely
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as, they want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should always be calm and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
during the training they beat them
recklessly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
these proponents consider that to save the wildlife zoos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be closed
. Moving
further
to my viewpoint, that zoos provide safe environment to the extincting species. Logical parts do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to hunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
also
save them from the Predator. The preservation of the fauna
is need
of an hour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if any species
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on the verge of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
it leads great damage to the life cycle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain of the living beings. Apart from this, environment like forest
is provided
there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
according to their lifestyle. To recapitulate, logical Park play a great role in saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
also
give opportunities to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to observe the activities of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time there should be proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the service,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may not harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
Did you mean "in any way"?
in anyway
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IELTS essay Some people think that Zoos should be closed while others think that Rose plays an important role in saving the species discuss both the views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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