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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others believe that they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others believe that they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society doVmE
People are divided in opinion regarding advanced education young people is one of the most important issues. Others claim that further education is less important, they believe that young people should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders so on to serve society. So, What I do think about it? My views and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. According to many people education is part of life. Nowadays for being hired to a prestigious job you have to have degree. Future of the country depend on from new generation who will grow. For instance, no one wants get treatment from not educated people. Car mechanics or builders can not write prescription for getting well. Moreover, education opens more opportunities for science and other professions. Obviously, today doctors might diagnose many disease in early stages because they have modern equipment. So, all of these equipment and new opened treatments help for everyone. If these people would not have these knowledge, education, we would not be able live. Education is values for all people. Let us consider other view. Other part of people claim that youngsters should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders. Despite the fact that was given before. I also agree and with this view, because car mechanics and builders are demanding professions. In other words majority of people have cars which needs to be fixed. For example, in last years Uzbekistan has made many construction projects, where was demand builders. To sum up essay I agree with point of view people who deem that young people should get education because future connected with high education. Also, I think that society need different kinds of jobs doesn't depend on education too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are divided
in opinion regarding advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues. Others claim that
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, they believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to work as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
mechanics or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
builders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on to serve society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, What I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it? My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
and my reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is part of life. Nowadays for
being hired
to a prestigious job you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have degree. Future of the country depend on from new generation who will grow.
For instance
, no one wants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
treatment from not educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Car
mechanics or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
builders
can not write prescription for getting well.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
opens more opportunities for science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
doctors might diagnose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disease in early stages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have modern equipment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all of
Did you mean "this equipment" or "these equipments"?
these equipment
and new opened treatments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for everyone. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not have
Did you mean "this knowledge" or "these knowledges"?
these knowledge
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, we would not be able
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is values for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that youngsters should
be encouraged
to work as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
mechanics or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
builders
. Despite the fact that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
mechanics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
builders
are demanding professions. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "words'" or "word's"?
words
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
which needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
.
For example
, in last years Uzbekistan has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
construction projects, where was demand builders.

To sum up essay I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who deem that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
future connected with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that society need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of jobs doesn't depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
too.
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IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others believe that they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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