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Some people think that young people should choose their professions themselves. Other believe that their parents should choose for them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people think that young people should choose their professions themselves. Other believe that their parents should choose for them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion JA1j
Some people consider that young people should select their future professions themselves. However others think that their parents should select for them. This essay will discuss both point of views. Many people think that young people should choose their professions. Actually this is a good idea and it also shows that young adult’s own opinion about his own future, we are all individuals and we should give some decisions by ourselves, In addition, young adults should take advice from people who are older than them, because they know more about this topic. Giving decisions by themselves can create confidence and motivation especially about their profession. Motivation is what young people need during their study years in university. There are people consider that parents should select their children’s future profession. Which is not a bad idea, but many children will not like this idea because they feel that they have grown up and should give some decisions by them. If parents choose profession which their child will not want to study it may cause many psychological problems and also they will not study the profession which their parents will choose if the profession is not the profession he would like to study. In case children will not be successful they blame their parents for it which will cause serious family problems. In conclusion, children should give their own opinions and make their own decisions by the help of their parents. Which will be a better decision rather than giving those decisions in their own.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should select their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
themselves.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should select for them. This essay will discuss both point of views.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
. Actually this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
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young
adult’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion about his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
future, we are all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individuals and
we should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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decisions
by ourselves,
In addition
,
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young
adults should take advice from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are older than them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know more about this topic. Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by themselves can create confidence and motivation
especially
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
. Motivation is what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
years in university.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should select their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
. Which is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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children
will not like this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel that they have grown up and should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by them. If
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parents
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
which their child will not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
psychological problems and
also
they will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will choose if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
he would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. In case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not be successful they blame their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for it which will cause serious family problems.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should give their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
will be a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
rather
than giving those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should choose their professions themselves. Other believe that their parents should choose for them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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