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Some people think that you need more money yo be happy ,while others prefer to have more free time than money. Discuss both views amd give your own opinion

Some people think that you need more money yo be happy, while others prefer to have more free time than money. Discuss both views amd give your own opinion NYQN
It is a universal truth that priorities are changing person to person. For some people having a chunk of money as a great source of happiness, while for others, spending quality time with self and surroundings is a pleasure of the life. In my view, though money is not everything but it has the power to get a spare time for the entire life. Firstly, in today's highly materialistic world, everyone is valued based on the net worth carried by them. The person who earns more identified more in the society. For example, Amitabh Bachchan, a famous Bollywood superstar who had alienated from the industry due to the huge in the business. He moved heaven and earth to pay back all his debts and become the highly earning star of the industry. Secondly, money cannot only buy tangibles but also buy time. To exemplify, a well to do person who wants to reach to their home early can take flight and reach in hours. At the same time, a mediocre person has to take train or bus which will take days to reach the destination. Visibly, a wealthy person is buying a time for his family. What is more, One can buy all the comfort of life including good medical facilities in a fraction of the time. The more your spendthrift the more comfort you can acquire. Consequently, there is a class of people who can live a simple life without any ostentation. They don't need any luxury of life but they need time to spend in contact with nature or surroundings. For instance, there are saint and artists like poet or painters who are displaying isolated attitude. Finally, there are contend people who feel highly satisfied with small income by limiting their needs. Hence, they can enjoy a gross amount of time with their kith and keen. For example, government employees who are drawing limited income but getting ample of time as a benefit. To conclude, time and money have their own importance in individual's life. However, I strongly believe that being wealthier one can fulfill all the conditions of being happiest in the world.
It is a universal truth that priorities are changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having a chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a great source of happiness, while for others, spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with self and surroundings is a pleasure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my view, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has the power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the entire life.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
highly
materialistic world, everyone
is valued
based on the net worth carried by them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
earns more identified more in the society.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amitabh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bachchan
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Bollywood superstar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had alienated from the industry due to the huge in the business. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
heaven and earth to pay back all his debts and become the
highly
earning star of the industry.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tangibles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To exemplify, a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants to reach to their home early can take flight and reach in hours. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, a mediocre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take train or bus which will take days to reach the destination.
Visibly
, a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for his family.
What is more
, One can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the comfort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
medical facilities in a fraction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The more your spendthrift the more comfort you can acquire.

Consequently
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without any ostentation. They don't need any luxury of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend in contact with nature or surroundings.
For instance
, there are saint and artists like poet or painters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are displaying isolated attitude.
Finally
, there are contend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
feel
highly
satisfied with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
income by limiting their needs.
Hence
, they can enjoy a gross amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their kith and keen.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are drawing limited income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
getting ample of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as a benefit.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance in individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, I
strongly
believe that being wealthier one can fulfill all the conditions of being happiest in the world.
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IELTS essay Some people think that you need more money yo be happy, while others prefer to have more free time than money. Discuss both views amd give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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