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Some people think that you need more money to be happy ,while others prefer to have more free time than money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that you need more money to be happy, while others prefer to have more free time than money. yn5V
There is no doubt that, time and money both are equally important for everyone. While many people believe that money is more important than free time to be happy, others give priority to leisure time over money. In this essay I will elaborate both sides of the arguments and explain my support to the latter view. On the one hand, those who prefer money over free time might argue that money can buy anything. This is because, today's era is materialism and consumerism era and if person buy any material thing, he might get happiness in that. For example, a person who has more money can buy anything from expensive things to better medical treatment. In contrast, a poor person might not get good medical treatment if he is sick. Hence, money can remove many difficulties from person's life and bring happiness. On the other hand, my view is that people should have more free time in order to get some relaxation from their daily routine. The reason for this is that relaxation can break monotony of day to day life which can bring pleasure. For instance, , a person who has more time for friends and family is more happy than a person who has more money because this can strengthen the bond between them. However, if someone has more money and less time for family might have unstable personal life which can harm his health. In conclusion, although some people believe that money can buy anything from material things to happiness, I prefer to have more leisure time that money to stay healthy and happy.
There is no doubt that,
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time
and
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money
both are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be happy, others give priority to leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In this essay I will elaborate both sides of the arguments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my support to the latter view.

On the one hand, those
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who
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
over free
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
anything. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era is materialism and consumerism era and if
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person
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buy
any material thing, he
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might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
happiness in that.
For example
, a
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person
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who
has more
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money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
anything from expensive things to better medical treatment.
In contrast
, a poor
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person
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might
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
medical treatment if he is sick.
Hence
,
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money
can remove
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties from person's life and bring happiness.

On the other hand
, my view is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should have more free
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time
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxation from their daily routine.
The reason for this is
that relaxation can break monotony of day to day life which can bring pleasure.
For instance
,
Two consecutive commas
,
a
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person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for friends and family is more happy than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can strengthen the bond between them.
However
, if someone has more
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money
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have unstable personal life which can harm his health.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
anything from material things to happiness, I prefer to have more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to stay healthy and happy.
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IELTS essay Some people think that you need more money to be happy, while others prefer to have more free time than money.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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