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The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking, smoking is banned in certain places and so mobile phone should also be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking, smoking is banned in certain places and so mobile phone should also be banned. P3xd
We are live in Modern era in this Era use of technology is necessary because of easy Communications work done in less time business management and pickup more information around the world, but due to this technology many type of problems are faced by humans like lack of focus on work and spending on social media and other not necessary platforms. Use of mobile phone in business management is very important in this century due to this mobile phone Technology we can doing business is easily such as we are communicate fastest way through the email facilities and WhatsApp and also we can create a live meeting through the many platforms. Through the mobile phone We can obtain information regarding new research in science world. Also learn from the many platforms like YouTube and generate new idea from Google platform. In some places use of mobile phone is working due to some of reason like radiation and disturbance in hospitals and library mobile phones should be banned It is create lack of focus and break down the link in studies. We should not be used mobile phone during drive the vehicles at that time use of mobile phone is harmful for our life as well as create a safety issue for others. In this technical world use of mobile phone is necessary but some of places use of mobile phone in basic manner and we should be focus on health and safety issues.
We are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Modern era in this Era
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of easy Communications work done in less time business management and pickup more information around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to this technology
Possible agreement error. The noun type seems to be countable; consider using: "many types".
many type
of problems
are faced
by humans like lack of focus on work and spending on social media and other not necessary platforms.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in business management is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in this century due to this mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
Technology we can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "do"
doing
business is
easily
such as we are
Consider using a past participle here: "communicated".
communicate
A determiner is probably missing here: "the fastest".
fastest
way through the email facilities and WhatsApp and
also
we can create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
meeting through the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
platforms. Through the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
We can obtain information regarding new research in science world.
Also
learn from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
platforms like YouTube and generate new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
from Google platform.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is working due to
Consider using "some reason" or "some of the reason".
some of reason
like radiation and disturbance in hospitals and library mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be banned
It is
Consider using a past participle here: "created".
create
lack of focus and break down the link in studies. We should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
during drive the vehicles at that time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is harmful for our life
as well
as create a safety issue for others.

In this technical world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the places") or simply say "some places".
some of places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in basic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
manner and
we should be focus on health and safety issues.
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IELTS essay The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking, smoking is banned in certain places and so mobile phone should also be banned.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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