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Some people think that you need more money to be happy , while others prefer to have more free time than money .discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people think that you need more money to be happy, while others prefer to have more free time than money. discuss both views and give your own opinion AMB1
Manu people believes that money is more essential than free time to be happy while others give priority to leisure time over money. This essay will highlight both sides of argument and then I will give my own perspective. On the one hand, those who prefer free time might argue that money can buy anything. This is owing to the fact that, today's era is materalism and consumerism era and if aperson buy any material thing, he might get happiness in that. For example, a person who has more money can buy anything from expensive things to better medical treatment. In contrast, a poor people might not get good medical treatment if he is sick. Hence, more money remove numerous difficulties from person's life and bring happiness. However, I believe that it can not buy all the happiness because if it was true then grudges develop in families or mental stress would not have been existed. On the other hand, it is thought that people should have more free time in order to enchance the bond between their loved ones. The availability of time allows people to meet regularly with their near and dear ones and share their pain and happiness with each other which bring pleasure to them by diverting their mind's from work pressure. For instance, if a person has time for their family, there will be more understanding and less arguments which can lead to happy family life. Happiness is actually what lies in family. In conclusion, although money can buy any materialistic things to happiness, I prefer to have more leisure times than money to stay happy and healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is more essential than free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be happy while others give priority to leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This essay will highlight both sides of argument and then I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.

On the one hand, those who prefer free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
anything. This is owing to the fact that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era is
Possible spelling mistake found.
materalism
and consumerism era and if
Possible spelling mistake found.
aperson
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
any material thing, he might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in that.
For example
, a person who has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
anything from expensive things to better medical treatment.
In contrast
, a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
medical treatment if he is sick.
Hence
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
remove numerous difficulties from person's life and bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
However
, I believe that it can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if it was true then grudges develop in families or mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
would not have
been existed
.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to
Possible spelling mistake found.
enchance
the bond between their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. The availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
regularly
with their near and dear ones and share their pain and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
with each other which bring pleasure to them by diverting their mind's from work pressure.
For instance
, if a person has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family, there will be more understanding and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun arguments is countable.
less
arguments which can lead to happy family life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is actually what lies in family.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
any materialistic things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, I prefer to have more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to stay happy and healthy
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IELTS essay Some people think that you need more money to be happy, while others prefer to have more free time than money. discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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