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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Agree or disagree?

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Agree or disagree? Lylr
Having a high remuneration is advantageous to most employees rather than following passion at work. In my opinion, I strongly agree that job with high pay is important than job satisfaction. Firstly, high compensation can afford healthy lifestyle and having a financial security. Having a money to support basic needs of families is essential to most people, and it will be beneficial if we have plentiful money to spare in order for us to have a comfortable life and we can afford the things that are necessities and desired. For instance, a family of 6 members, the head of the family cannot sustain to feed 6 mouths with a low pay. Furthermore, the cost of education expense is high also. To break even, one should have high remuneration in order to support a healthy lifestyle and a secure life in the future. Secondly, it gives us motivation to perform well and go beyond the job description. If an employee is well compensated, the performance will be impressive. It has that driven to do his job well thus, at the end of the day, one can received compensation for a job well done. For example, an employee will be motivated to come to work because in one’s mind this salary can do wonders for his family, In essence, it is much better if the salary is high enough to buy one’s needs. To sum it up. I believe that high remuneration is beneficial to most people because they promote healthy lifestyle, financial security for the future, and motivation to do one’s job well.
Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration is advantageous to most employees
rather
than following passion at work. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
pay is
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
compensation can afford healthy lifestyle and having a financial security. Having
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "money".
a money
to support basic needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is essential to most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and it will be beneficial if we have plentiful money to spare in order for us to have a comfortable
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we can afford the things that are necessities and desired.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
of 6 members, the head of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
cannot sustain to feed 6 mouths with a low pay.
Furthermore
, the cost of education expense is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
also
. To break even, one should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration in order to support a healthy lifestyle and a secure life in the future.

Secondly
, it gives us motivation to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
and go beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
description. If an employee is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
compensated, the performance will be impressive. It has that driven to do his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
thus
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, one can received compensation for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
done.
For example
, an employee will
be motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in one’s mind this salary can do wonders for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, In essence, it is much better if the salary is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
one’s needs.

To sum it up. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration is beneficial to most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they promote healthy lifestyle, financial security for the future, and motivation to do one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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