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SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT BEING RICH IS IT GIVES A PERSON THE OPPORTUNITY TO HELP OTHERS PEOPLE

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT BEING RICH IS IT GIVES A PERSON THE OPPORTUNITY TO HELP OTHERS PEOPLE OVX7M
THE QUESTION AS TO WHERE THE AFFLUENCE STANDING A MYRIAD OF PEOPLE IN GOOD STEAD IN ORDER TO AID THE OTHERS WOULD BE THE MOST ESSENTIAL OR NOT HAS SPARKED A FIERCE DEBATE AMONG GENERAL PUBLIC. FROM MY PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE, I BELIEVE THE AFOREMENTIONED IDEA WOULD NOT BE THE ONLY WAY FOR THE HELP. IT IS UNDENIABLE THAT IN THE MODERN SOCIETY, MONETARY IS INDISPENSABLE THAT MONEY SUPPORT WOULD BE OBVIOUS. AS CONTRIBUTION IS A MUST THAT THE WEALTHIER ARE NOW GRASPING THEIR OPPORTUNITIES TO THE DONATION ON A REGULAR BASIS. MOREOVER, SETTING UP THE FUNDS WOULD BUILD UP THE BRIDGE OF THE WEALTH GAP. AS A RESULT, INDIVIDUALS ARE SCOPE FOR LIVING IN EQUALITY WITHOUT DISCRIMINATION. TAKING AN EXAMPLE OF BILL GATES - A RENOWNED PHILANTHROPIST HAS SPENT A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY GIVING DONATION TO THE UNDERPRIVILEGED AND THE DISABLED. UNCOUNTABLE PEOPLE HAVE HAD CHANCES TO KEEP UP WITH THE WHOLE SOCIETY OR EVEN THE STUDENTS IN REMOTE AREA HAD A PROSPECT TO READ BOOK THANKS FOR HIS CONTRIBUTION. THIS VIEW LOOKS CONVINCING AT FIRST BUT THESE PROSPEROUS PEOPLE WOULD PLAY MORE PIVOTAL ROLES IN DIFFERENT ASPECTS. THE IMPOVERISHMENT HAS HAD AN ADVERSE BEARING ON PEOPLE’S THINKINGS THAT THEY ARE SUSCEPTIBLE TO BE AT STAKE OF CYNICAL. CONSEQUENTLY, PEOPLE IN HIGH SOCIETY’S LEVEL WOULD HAVE TO BE AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM TO FOLLOW. JACKMA USED TO BE STRUGGLING WITH HIS LIFE BEFORE BECAME A MILLIONAIRE. FROM THE MAN WITH NOTHING IN THE HAND, HE KEPT TRY HIS UTMOST DESPITE SUSTAINING A DEFEAT NUMEROUSLY. AT LAST, HE GOT WHAT HE WANT AFTER A PAINSTAKING BUT TENACIOUS TIME. FURTHERMORE, RICH PEOPLE COULD INITIATE SEVERAL MOTIVATIONS TO THEIR ENTERPRISES AS IT COULD BE A BREAKTHROUGH TO THE TRAINING FOR JOB. HENCE, DEPRIVED ONE COULD SEIZE THOSE VALUE CHANCES PREPARING FOR A BETTER LIFE. TO SUM UP, I BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE WHO ENABLES TO OBTAIN LUCRATIVE OCCUPATION WOULD PRESENT THEIR SUPPORT IN PLENTIFUL FEATURES NOT ONLY FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE.
THE QUESTION AS TO WHERE THE AFFLUENCE STANDING A MYRIAD OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
IN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
STEAD IN ORDER TO AID THE OTHERS WOULD BE THE MOST ESSENTIAL OR NOT HAS SPARKED A FIERCE DEBATE AMONG
Consider using "PUBLIC".
GENERAL PUBLIC
. FROM MY PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE, I BELIEVE THE AFOREMENTIONED
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IDEA
WOULD NOT BE THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
WAY FOR THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
.

IT IS UNDENIABLE THAT IN THE MODERN SOCIETY, MONETARY IS INDISPENSABLE THAT MONEY SUPPORT WOULD BE OBVIOUS. AS CONTRIBUTION IS A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MUST
THAT THE WEALTHIER ARE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
GRASPING THEIR OPPORTUNITIES TO THE DONATION ON A REGULAR BASIS.
MOREOVER
, SETTING UP THE FUNDS WOULD BUILD UP THE BRIDGE OF THE WEALTH GAP.
AS A RESULT
, INDIVIDUALS ARE SCOPE FOR LIVING IN EQUALITY WITHOUT DISCRIMINATION. TAKING AN EXAMPLE OF BILL GATES
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
A RENOWNED PHILANTHROPIST HAS SPENT A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY GIVING DONATION TO THE UNDERPRIVILEGED AND THE DISABLED. UNCOUNTABLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
HAVE HAD CHANCES TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
KEEP
UP WITH THE WHOLE SOCIETY OR EVEN THE STUDENTS IN REMOTE AREA HAD A PROSPECT TO READ BOOK THANKS FOR HIS CONTRIBUTION.

THIS VIEW LOOKS CONVINCING AT
FIRST
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
THESE PROSPEROUS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WOULD PLAY MORE PIVOTAL ROLES IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
ASPECTS. THE IMPOVERISHMENT HAS HAD AN ADVERSE BEARING ON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE’S
Possible spelling mistake found.
THINKINGS
THAT THEY ARE SUSCEPTIBLE TO BE AT STAKE OF CYNICAL.
CONSEQUENTLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
IN HIGH SOCIETY’S LEVEL WOULD
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
BE AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM TO FOLLOW.
Possible spelling mistake found.
JACKMA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
TO BE STRUGGLING WITH HIS LIFE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BEFORE
BECAME A MILLIONAIRE. FROM THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAN
WITH NOTHING IN THE HAND, HE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
KEPT
TRY HIS UTMOST DESPITE SUSTAINING A DEFEAT
NUMEROUSLY
. AT LAST, HE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOT
WHAT HE
The pronoun 'HE' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
WANT
AFTER A PAINSTAKING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
TENACIOUS TIME.
FURTHERMORE
, RICH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
COULD INITIATE SEVERAL MOTIVATIONS TO THEIR ENTERPRISES AS IT COULD BE A BREAKTHROUGH TO THE TRAINING FOR JOB.
HENCE
, DEPRIVED ONE COULD SEIZE THOSE VALUE CHANCES PREPARING FOR A BETTER LIFE.

TO SUM UP, I BELIEVE THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WHO
Did you mean "enable"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'PEOPLE' should be used.
ENABLES
TO OBTAIN LUCRATIVE OCCUPATION WOULD PRESENT THEIR SUPPORT IN PLENTIFUL FEATURES NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE.
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IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT BEING RICH IS IT GIVES A PERSON THE OPPORTUNITY TO HELP OTHERS PEOPLE

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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