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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people.

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. 127n
It is often seen that some elite people provide their helping hand to those who need the most. Although there might be some direct benefits in giving a financial assistant to underprivileged; however, there are instances where some do false claim of their situation. Therefore, I believe that certain verification is required before handing out money assistance. We often hear stories of a rich person, who has worked extremely hard to acquire and accumulated a wealth, though they have the mean to aid less fortunate people. However, they need to be sure they are handing out the money in a right direction that means to those who are in desperate needs, not to those who are there to take advantage. For example, some cases have been emerged in the news that people claimed their magnitude of illness online to gain financial support, but in reality, the story turnout to be different. Consequently, well-off people could lose part of their wealth. Therefore, it is crucial to investigate their claim before deciding to hand out the money. Nevertheless, there are also genuine people who require help from wealthy communities. Especially from underdeveloped nations, where the population is deprived of shortage in food and water, and other necessities to sustain life. In this kind of situations, some believe that affluent people can proof to be useful in those circumstances, where they could bring out to some extent people from poverty by investing funds in those regions. For instance, many influential individuals provide financial aid which can be utilize to procure medicines, food, and build water pumps to secure clean and fresh water. As a result, conditions of poor people can improve considerably, and they can live in a safe environment. In conclusion, considering the benefits of being rich and the responsibilities towards underprivileged people, it is important that they continue to serve those communities, which can assist them to live life above the substandard conditions.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
provide their helping hand to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need the most. Although there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
direct benefits in giving a financial assistant to underprivileged;
however
, there are instances where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do false claim of their situation.
Therefore
, I believe that certain verification
is required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
handing out money assistance.

We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hear stories of a rich person,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has worked
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to acquire and accumulated a wealth, though they have the mean to aid less fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, they need to be sure they are handing out the money in a right direction that means to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in desperate needs, not to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are there to take advantage.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases have
been emerged
in the news that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claimed their magnitude of illness online to gain financial support,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality, the story turnout to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
Consequently
, well-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could lose part of their wealth.
Therefore
, it is crucial to investigate their claim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding to hand out the money.

Nevertheless
, there are
also
genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from wealthy communities.
Especially
from underdeveloped nations, where the population
is deprived
of shortage in food and water, and other necessities to sustain life. In this kind of situations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can proof to be useful in those circumstances, where they could bring out to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from poverty by investing funds in those regions.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
influential individuals provide financial aid which can be
Consider using the past participle "utilized"?
utilize
to procure medicines, food, and build water pumps to secure clean and fresh water.
As a result
, conditions of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
considerably
, and they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a safe environment.

In conclusion
, considering the benefits of being rich and the responsibilities towards underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they continue to serve those communities, which can assist them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life above the substandard conditions.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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