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Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artist and musicians. to what extend do you agree.

Our society need creative people, such as artist, musicians and designers. Without their creativity we would not be able to built a modern city with wonderful views and full of fashion sense. Peoples think that govenrment should support therse creative people by giving them money, however I disagree with the idea because first a creative person should be able to make his own living, second giving money to a person promote lazyness and finally the government budget should spend money on others area such as education and public health. First of all, nowaday creative people have plenty of opportunities to make their their living using their creativity. For example, designer, artist and photographer can sell their work throuth internet. Their success is related to their creativeness, therefore creative people are one of those who could never worry about financial problem. Furthermore, creative peple are capable to work as any others. In cases that creative people are needing money they can apply for regular jobs such as cashier, waiter and seller to make some money and pass through his hard times. Last, govenrment should spend it's money on major sector such as education and public heath. There is always need of money when it come to hospitals and shools. When the govenrment give money to schools and hospitals, it does not only helping creative people but every one living on the samr society. In conclusion, I personally disagree with the idea that government should give money to creative people for reason that creative people do not need such help and that government should spend it money on major social sector.
Our society need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as artist, musicians and designers. Without their creativity we would not be able to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “build”.
built
a modern city with wonderful views and full of fashion sense.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
govenrment
should support
Possible spelling mistake found.
therse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
however
I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
first
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
person should be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
living, second giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to a person promote
Possible spelling mistake found.
lazyness
and
finally
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
An apostrophe may be missing.
others
area such as education and public health.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowaday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible typo: you repeated a word
their their
living using their creativity.
For example
, designer, artist and photographer can sell their work
Possible spelling mistake found.
throuth
internet. Their success
is related
to their creativeness,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are one of those who could never worry about financial problem.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
Possible spelling mistake found.
peple
are capable to work as any others. In cases that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are needing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they can apply for regular jobs such as cashier, waiter and seller to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and pass through his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times.

Last,
Possible spelling mistake found.
govenrment
should spend
Did you mean “its” (possessive pronoun) instead of ‘it’s’ (short for ‘it is’)?
it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on major sector such as education and public heath. There is always need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “comes”.
come
to hospitals and
Possible spelling mistake found.
shools
. When the
Possible spelling mistake found.
govenrment
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to schools and hospitals, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
After the auxiliary verb ‘do’, use the base form of a verb. Did you mean “help”?
helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every one living on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
samr
society.

In conclusion
, I
personally
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on major social sector.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artist and musicians.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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