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It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

A large percentage of young people are of the opinion that it is better to work as an employee, rather than to own a business. Their thinking is often disregarded, as they do not yet have work experience. However I firmly believe that they are in the right, and the benefits of working for your own company outweigh its negatives. Every student should look for opportunities to open a business as early as possible. Employees will at some point experience burnout after decades of work. They will come to the realization, that they cannot live out their entire life working. The alternatives are then to retire or live off their savings, but those are often not available nor are efficient. Naturally opening a business is always an option, but with an already solid income and a family to support it might be irresponsible to do so. Hence why I believe that every person with an opportunity should at least think about opening their own business, since when successful, it may provide a passive income later on with minimal work. Even if it is unsuccessful the knowledge gained is invaluable. From finance to communication and business management; from know-what to know-how, the skill and experience of running a company is unmatched by even higher education. Even with a failed startup behind them employers are more likely to hire people with such backgrounds, because of their perspective and experience. The only downside is the financial uncertainty of being employed by yourself. It is understandable that there are people without a strong enough financial background to think about starting their own business. In conclusion each person has to decide individually if it is worth for them to take these risks associated with starting a business. In the majority of cases however I firmly believe that is worth it to do so, as the negatives pale in comparison to the benefits.
A large percentage of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that it is better to work as an employee,
rather
than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Their thinking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
disregarded, as they do not
yet
have work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
firmly
believe that they are in the right, and the benefits of working for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
outweigh its negatives.

Every student should look for opportunities to open a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
as early as possible. Employees will at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
burnout after decades of work. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the realization, that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
out their entire life working. The alternatives are then to retire or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
off their savings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not available nor are efficient.
Naturally
opening a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is always an option,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with an already solid income and a family to support it might be irresponsible to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
why I believe that every person with an opportunity should at least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about opening their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, since when successful, it may provide a passive income later on with minimal work.

“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
it is unsuccessful the knowledge gained is invaluable. From finance to communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
management; from know-what to know-how, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of running a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is unmatched
by even higher education. Even with a failed startup behind them employers are more likely to hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with such backgrounds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their perspective and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
downside is the financial uncertainty of
being employed
by yourself. It is understandable that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without a strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial background to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.

In conclusion
each person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
decide
individually
if it is worth for them to take these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. In the majority of cases
however
I
firmly
believe
that is
worth it to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, as the negatives pale
in comparison
to the benefits.
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IELTS essay It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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