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Some people think that spending a lot on birthday celebration and wedding is a waste of money.

Some people think that spending a lot on birthday celebration and wedding is a waste of money. lX9WD
People’s opinions seem to differ on whether spending money lavishly on celebrations and special occasions is a positive trend or a mere wastage of wealth. While some seem to agree with the argument that it is necessary for the society, I believe that such unmindful spending should rather be avoided. To begin with, there are myriad reasons to argue that spending loads of capital on weddings and other special occasions is quite unnecessary. Firstly, in most of today’s celebrations there is a deliberate show of power and easy cash. Such extensive celebrations are no better than pomp shows. Secondly, instead of spending huge amounts of money on any celebration, it is better to save it and later invest it in better ways. For instance, instead of spending lots of money on a child’s first birthday party in a five-star hotel, it is better to save it for his/her higher education. Furthermore, sometimes spending on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries and house warming also become a social obligation for many people and they give in to the societal pressure spending their hard-earned money. On the other hand, people who argue that it is imperative to have grand celebrations opine / insist that it is a way of enjoying life with their family and friends. They feel that such celebrations are part of their customs and traditions. While this may be true to a certain extent, in my opinion, there is no need to spend truck loads of money on celebrations. For example, a birthday party held at home can be as enjoyable as the one held at a five star hotel and yet it costs much less. To conclude, I feel that unmindful spending on any occasion can be avoided. Instead that money should be saved or used in a better way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
’s opinions seem to differ on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
lavishly
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
and special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend or a mere wastage of wealth. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that it is necessary for the society, I believe that such unmindful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
should
rather
be avoided
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are myriad reasons to argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
loads of capital on weddings and other special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
is quite unnecessary.
Firstly
, in most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
there is a deliberate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
of power and easy cash. Such extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than pomp
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Secondly
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
huge amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to save it and later invest it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
ways.
For instance
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on a child’s
first
birthday party in a five-star hotel, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to save it for his/her higher education.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
like birthdays, anniversaries and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
house warming
also
become a social obligation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they give in to the societal pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that it is imperative to have grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
opine / insist that it is a way of enjoying life with their family and friends. They feel that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
are part of their customs and traditions. While this may be true to a certain extent, in my opinion, there is no need to spend truck loads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
.
For example
, a birthday party held at home can be as enjoyable as the one held at a
'five star' is missing a hyphen.
five star
hotel and
yet
it costs much less.

To conclude
, I feel that unmindful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
can
be avoided
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be saved
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way.
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IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on birthday celebration and wedding is a waste of money.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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