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Some people think that sense of competition should be encouraged in children at young age others feel its not needed as building character is more important. Discuss

Some people think that sense of competition should be encouraged in children at young age others feel its not needed as building character is more important. Discuss 66Plr
In today’s day and age the idea of competitiveness is used by a vast amount people to shape their lives with from pursuing education to obtaining a valuable career. Many actually live their lives in accordance to this concept and firmly believe it is the primary way to move forward in life, whilst others seem to have a more passive attitude towards it. Throughout this essay I shall be debating the conflicting arguments between these two opinions before reaching a verdict. On the one hand it is fair to state that a competitive mindset is imposed from parent to child at an early age in order to help path a way for their future and why upbringing can sometimes be a major contributor towards setting a sense of competitiveness in children’s minds. Parents who may be involved in highly competitive careers such as medicine or law would have spent a great deal of time and effort on their education whilst growing up. As a result, they may feel obliged to push their children in the same manner and motivate them in reaching their level of achievement. This is specifically emphasized in certain countries such as India or Japan where education has always been a primary focus. On the other hand, some parents may take a more relaxed view on this topic and perceive it as an unnecessary requirement at a young age. It is their belief that building a good rapport with fellow classmates and teachers should always be considered a higher priority as it helps construct a solid personality in the future. For example, children in their primary school years who establish long lasting friendships and learn to co - operate with others find it easier to develop teamworking skills in the future. To sum up I believe that although competition is a great trait to have at a young age for life goals, it is not needed at an earlier age. Working on personality and characteristics should always take higher precedence.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of competitiveness is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by a vast amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to shape their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with from pursuing education to obtaining a valuable career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in accordance to this concept and
firmly
believe it is the primary way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward in life, whilst others seem to have a more passive attitude towards it. Throughout this essay I shall be debating the conflicting arguments between these two opinions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a verdict.

On the one hand it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to state that a competitive mindset
is imposed
from parent to child at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
path a way for their future and why upbringing can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be a major contributor towards setting a sense of competitiveness in children’s minds. Parents who may
be involved
in
highly
competitive careers such as medicine or law would have spent a great deal of time and effort on their education whilst growing up.
As a result
, they may feel obliged to push their children in the same manner and motivate them in reaching their level of achievement. This is
specifically
emphasized in certain countries such as India or Japan where education has always been a primary focus.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents may take a more relaxed view on this topic and perceive it as an unnecessary requirement at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. It is their belief that building a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
rapport with
Consider using "classmates".
fellow classmates
and teachers should always
be considered
a higher priority as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
construct a solid personality in the future.
For example
, children in their primary school years who establish
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
friendships and learn to co
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
operate with others find it easier to develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
teamworking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the future.

To sum up I believe that although competition is a great trait to have at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for life goals, it is not needed at an earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Working on personality and characteristics should always take higher precedence.
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IELTS essay Some people think that sense of competition should be encouraged in children at young age others feel its not needed as building character is more important. Discuss

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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