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Some people think that school children should be asked to work individually in class. Others believe that working in small groups is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is undeniable truth that study is an integral part of our life. Some people believes that students must study by themselves in the classroom. While others think that working in the team is better then self study. Firstly, I'll explain benefits of individual study. Secondly, I'll describe importance of group study, and at the end I will give my opinion. To begin with, self work is very necessary for concentration and focus. Through the self study child can learn many things without distraction, even it will improve their score in the final exam. Recently Times of India newspaper published one article on students growth and development, and they mentioned one story about one poor boy who got many achievements and medals by hard work and self study. Because he did not have any friend with whom he can discuss about study. So he always studied alone and shows his potential in front of society. On the contrary, many people believes that group work is more beneficial that individual work. While children take part in particular group discussion so they can get more ideas and information about one topic. Also they learn about cooperation and coordination which is very important for them when they become young. According to survey of Cambridge University in Jan, 2020. They shows that total 70% of students who take part in group discussion get higher rank in the exam because of wide knowledge and information. To sum up, individual study may help children to be more concentrated and focused, but group study help children to be more social and improve their knowledge with wide range of information. Thus, I personally think that group work is better then individual work
It is undeniable truth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is an integral part of our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
by themselves in the classroom.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that working in the team is
Did you mean “better than”?
better then
self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Firstly
, I'll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Secondly
, I'll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
I will give my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, self
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work
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for concentration and focus. Through the self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
child can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things without distraction, even it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their score in the final exam. Recently Times of India newspaper published one article on students growth and development, and they mentioned one story about one poor boy who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
achievements and medals by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
he did not have any friend with whom he can discuss about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
he always studied alone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
his potential in front of society.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more beneficial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. While children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in particular
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group
discussion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and information about one topic.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they learn about cooperation and coordination which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them when they become young. According to survey of Cambridge University in Jan, 2020. They
The pronoun ‘They’ must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: “show”
shows
that total 70% of students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
discussion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher rank in the exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of wide knowledge and information.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to be more concentrated and focused,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to be more social and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge with wide range of information.
Thus
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
Did you mean “better than”?
better then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
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IELTS essay Some people think that school children should be asked to work individually in class. Others believe that working in small groups is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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