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Some people think that reward is the best way to discipline children whereas other say that punishment should be used to discipline them Discuss both views.

Some people think that reward is the best way to discipline children whereas other say that punishment should be used to discipline them aVWnX
Irrefutably discipline is a major weapon which is often treated as a positive behaviour of any human being. It is treated as a reward by most of the individuals while the other squad of people thinks that punishment is the only way to justify discipline. In my essay I will discuss both the sides of this statement. In each and every field discipline is a important factor which is a internal part of growth. At some places discipline is treated as a training. To elaborate this in various schools discipline is the first thing any student needs to follow. For example, a child needs to reach the school at a said time and follow the instructions. In addition to this, there are different types of discipline in army, police force etc. They need to follow some rules from the starting till the end. All their teachings and guidance are done on the basis of the routine they follow. The awards and prizes are being distributed if they follow the discipline in the right direction. On the contrary the propensity of the some of the individuals is to punish if someone fails to follow discipline. This happens most of the cases in large companies. For instance, in corporate world the definition of discipline is to reach office at time and if someone is not able to able to make it on time he or she may suffer in terms of either half day despite of attending the office full day or deduction in wages. While joining any military force also if you fail to obey orders it may result into his or her termination. In summation, discipline is necessary everywhere in the overall world. My suggestion is the prize and penalizing are the two parallel things if we talk about discipline. Both these things needs to be considered. The only point is it depends on the specific person about what he wants a reward or a punishment.
Irrefutably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
is a major weapon which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
treated as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of any human being. It
is treated
as a reward by most of the individuals while the other squad of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that punishment is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to justify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
. In my essay I will discuss both the sides of this statement.

In each and every field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor which is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
internal part of growth. At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
is treated
as a training. To elaborate this in various schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
is the
first
thing any student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
.
For example
, a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to reach the school at a said time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the instructions.
In addition
to this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
in army, police force etc. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
from the starting till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. All their teachings and guidance
are done
on the basis of the routine they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
. The awards and prizes are
being distributed
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
in the right direction.

On the contrary
the propensity of the
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
individuals is to punish if someone fails to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
. This happens most of the cases in large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, in corporate world the definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
is to reach office at time and if someone is not
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "able to".
able to able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it on time he or she may suffer in terms of either half day
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
attending the office full day or deduction in wages. While joining any military force
also
if you fail to obey orders it may result into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
termination.

In summation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
is necessary everywhere in the
overall
world. My suggestion is the prize and penalizing are the two parallel things if we talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
. Both these things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be considered
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
point is it depends on the specific person about what he wants a reward or a punishment.
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IELTS essay Some people think that reward is the best way to discipline children whereas other say that punishment should be used to discipline them

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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