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Some people believe that sports people and entertainers are paid too much money and that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that sports people and entertainers are paid too much money and that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid. What is your opinion? 0MRqQ
It is sometimes argued that professional athletes should not be paid more salary rather than other employees such as doctors or teachers, while there is more contribution to the society by the latter ones. I would like to outline my approval regarding this policy in paragraphs below. There are several reasons why athletes and entertainers shouldn’t have huge salaries. Firstly, the jobs which they are doing are not really vital and essential for the community. For example, in my country football players have been earning a tremendous amount of money for playing for mere a season. Although it is such a pastime especially for youth people, it would not make a serious issue if their jobs were even omitted. Secondly, some of them do not have enough capability to manage their income, and by spending in the flamboyant consumption manners, other people persuade to consume more and more. Finally, as a consequence of this attitude towards life, there would be a bad impact to their followers. I believe that the money from there should go to indispensable jobs such as teachers, doctors and security provided by police. It is much better to have public servants with higher incomes rather than wealthy athletes playing mere in some matches. Furthermore, investing money in these sections has a positive effect on every person of a society. Foe example, we all use hospitals, schools and roads. Had governments and private sectors reallocated extra money spent for athletes, many thousands of people would have been lifted up from poverty or given a better quality of life. In conclusion, I would agree that spending money is better to allocate in sources that major people benefit from it.
It is
sometimes
argued that professional
athletes
should not
be paid
more salary
rather
than other employees such as doctors or teachers, while there is more contribution to the society by the latter ones. I would like to outline my approval regarding this policy in paragraphs below.

There are several reasons why
athletes
and entertainers shouldn’t have huge salaries.
Firstly
, the jobs which they are doing are not
really
vital and essential for the community.
For example
, in my country football players have been earning a tremendous amount of
money
for playing for mere a season. Although it is such a pastime
especially
for youth
people
, it would not
make
a serious issue if their jobs were even omitted.
Secondly
,
some
of them do not have
enough
capability to manage their income, and by spending in the flamboyant consumption manners, other
people
persuade
to consume
more and more.
Finally
, as a consequence of this attitude towards life, there would be a
bad
impact to their followers.

I believe that the
money
from there should go to indispensable jobs such as teachers, doctors and security provided by police. It is much better to have public servants with higher incomes
rather
than wealthy
athletes
playing mere in
some
matches.
Furthermore
, investing
money
in these sections has a
positive
effect on every person of a society. Foe example, we all
use
hospitals, schools and roads. Had
governments
and private sectors reallocated extra
money
spent for
athletes
,
many
thousands of
people
would have been
lifted up
from poverty or
given
a better quality of life.

In conclusion
, I would
agree
that spending
money
is better to allocate in sources that major
people
benefit from it.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that sports people and entertainers are paid too much money and that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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