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Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help people and societies the way people of other occupation such as doctors, teachers, and soldiers do. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help people and societies the way people of other occupation such as doctors, teachers, and soldiers do. with this statement? QL53P
Nowadays, people who work in an entertainment industry such as athletes have much higher income than other occupations. Even though their work does not contribute in helping the society as much as others do so. However, this essay disagrees with the statement in which argue that athletes have receive fair amount of payment for their job and do participate in helping the community. First of all, there is only a prime period of time in which athletes are able to participate in sport competitions. When that time has passed, they could no longer compete due to their age and health. In other words, the high payment they received in that limited time when they were still capable of playing sports, compensate for the lack of their income in their retirement years which is normally earlier than regular jobs. Secondly, well-known sport person can be a major contribution in improving the society provided that their popularity can be promoted for the benefits of community. For instance, the athletes can initiate or participate in promoting the charity so it will receive better help and attention. Moreover, addressing problems for the better of society and standing up for the rights of people will be perceived as more trust-worthy when addressed person is famous. In conclusion, this essay disagrees with the aforementioned statement that the athlete’s income is unreasonably high. Providing the contradict aspects of the time limit in their career and their contributions in improving the society’s quality. Therefore, when determining the salary worth of a particular work, many more aspects should be considered.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in an entertainment industry such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have much higher income than other occupations.
Even though
their work does not contribute in helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as much as others do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
However
, this essay disagrees with the statement in which argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have
Use past participle here: "received".
receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of payment for their job and do participate in helping the community.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a prime period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are able to participate in sport competitions. When that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has passed, they could no longer compete due to their age and health.
In other words
, the high payment they received in that limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when they were
still
capable of playing sports, compensate for the lack of their income in their retirement years which is
normally
earlier than regular jobs.

Secondly
, well-known sport person can be a major contribution in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
provided that their popularity can
be promoted
for the benefits of community.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can initiate or participate in promoting the charity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will receive better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and attention.
Moreover
, addressing problems for the
Use "best" if you mean to express an extreme with this adjective.
better
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and standing up for the rights of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be perceived
as more trust-worthy when addressed person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

In conclusion
, this essay disagrees with the aforementioned statement that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete’s
income is
unreasonably
high. Providing
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'contradict' is correct. If 'contradict' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the contradict
aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit in their career and their contributions in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society’s
quality.
Therefore
, when determining the salary worth of a particular work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more aspects should
be considered
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help people and societies the way people of other occupation such as doctors, teachers, and soldiers do. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help people and societies the way people of other occupation such as doctors, teachers, and soldiers do. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?