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Some people think that prison's conditions should be improved. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that prison's conditions should be improved. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? wBM6n
Nowadays incidence of the crime such as burglar or murder substantially increase and it depends on that the need of improving prisons' states comes up. It is considered by many that there are many upsides of this, others oppose them. I have a brief that it does not provide a satisfied solution to victims’ family while prisoner becomes more comfortable. When it comes to the advantages of stimulating conditions in the prison, the first one is that it can lessen the crime rate after prison comes out of jail. Having bad facilities, guilty people’ mental health can deteriorate, leading to risk to those outsides. For instance, in Guatemala having the worst conditions in prisons, the incidence of a second crime substantially increase over the period. Offering more opportunities and adding some recreational facilities help them to not commit crimes again and readjust to the outside world. There are two perceived disadvantages related to making better of prison conditions. One is that it deters the guilty people from suffering due to their mistakes granted that those in there commence living comfortably as if it is not punished to their guilty, resulting in disappointment for victims’ families, especially for murder. In addition to that, underprivileged individuals can notice that prisons’ states are more appropriate because of improving their living standards. This leads to rising in the crime rate and thus bringing about overtaking prisons’ capacity. For example, homeless people that come up against tough situations in winter can attempt to take in jail because of hot food and accommodation. I believe that the rate of second crime can be simply reduced with different kinds of regulations and enforcements so there are many downsides of improving the states of the jail. In conclusion, I consider that people might lose all faith in the judicial system of the country so we need to make allowances for victim's families.
Nowadays incidence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
such as burglar or murder
substantially
increase and it depends on that the need of improving prisons' states
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
up. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
upsides of this, others oppose them. I have a brief that it does not provide a satisfied solution to victims’ family while prisoner becomes more comfortable.

When it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
to the advantages of stimulating conditions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, the
first
one is that it can lessen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
out of jail. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
facilities, guilty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
mental health can deteriorate, leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to those outsides.
For instance
, in Guatemala having the worst conditions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
, the incidence of a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
substantially
increase over the period. Offering more opportunities and adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to not commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again and readjust to the outside world.

There are two perceived disadvantages related to making better of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
conditions. One is that it deters the guilty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from suffering due to their mistakes granted that those in there commence living
comfortably
as if it is not punished to their guilty, resulting in disappointment for victims’ families,
especially
for murder.
In addition
to that, underprivileged individuals can notice that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons’
states are more appropriate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of improving their living standards. This leads to rising in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and
thus
bringing about overtaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons’
capacity.
For example
, homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
come
up against tough situations in winter can attempt to take in jail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of hot food and accommodation.

I believe that the rate of second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can be
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of regulations and
Possible spelling mistake found.
enforcements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
downsides of improving the states of the jail.

In conclusion
, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might lose all faith in the judicial system of the country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
allowances for victim's families.

IELTS essay Some people think that prison's conditions should be improved. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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