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Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to take care of every citizen who is disadvantaged. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to take care of every citizen who is disadvantaged. What is your opinion? oR5dV
It is highly defended that the government is accountable for taking care of all individuals who has some disadvantaged compared to the others. In this essay, I will discuss my perspective towards this topic. To begin with, I believe that the government ought to help to any citizen regardless their disability. It is a responsibility of each country to provide a safe environment to their citizens build their lives properly. To explain, it is the government’s duty to really protect every person under their territory, to maintain their freedom safely guarded by keeping police surveillance under control and their protocols up to date. Additionally, it is not only physical security that matters, but health as well. A manner to take care of a person is keeping them healthily mentally and physically. Both areas are needed to be considered once the government is seen as a supportive organ to a nation system. Moreover, having said that the government’s accountability is wide to their standard citizens, it certainly should be even more to those who are not able to live properly at their free-will. In other words, I believe that the government ought to show total support to those individuals who has some disadvantage towards similar ones. If they present any mental or physical disorder, each city’s council, for instance, need to introduce them a solution to minimise their problem. Nobody asks for a disability and that is the main reason that the government must show empathy to the chaos that this person might find themself into. They must be the role model for a society where they govern. In conclusion, I strongly defend that every country needs to take care of their people and especially of those who has not the same conditions as others. Besides that, it is the government responsibility to protect physically and mentally their citizens and also, be an example of correctness to their nation.
It is
highly
defended that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is accountable for taking care of all individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantaged compared to the others. In this essay, I will discuss my perspective towards this topic.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
regardless their disability. It is a responsibility of each country to provide a safe environment to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
properly
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
duty to
really
protect every person under their territory, to maintain their freedom
safely
guarded by keeping police surveillance under control and their protocols up to date.
Additionally
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical security that matters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
health
as well
. A manner to take care of a person is keeping them
healthily
mentally and
physically
. Both areas
are needed
to
be considered
once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a supportive organ to a nation system.

Moreover
, having said that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
accountability is wide to their standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, it
certainly
should be even more to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
properly
at their free-will.
In other words
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
total support to those individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'individuals' should be used.
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantage towards similar ones. If they present any mental or physical disorder, each city’s council,
for instance
, need to introduce them a solution to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
their problem. Nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asks for
a disability and
that is
the main reason that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
empathy to the chaos that this person might find
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
into. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the role model for a society where they govern.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
defend that every country needs to take care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
especially
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has not the same conditions as others.
Besides
that, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
responsibility to protect
physically
and mentally their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and
also
, be an example of correctness to their nation.

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to take care of every citizen who is disadvantaged. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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