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Some people think that people who make more money are successful,but other thinks that people who contribute to society are more successful. Discuss both views and write your opinion.

Some people think that people who make more money are successful, but other thinks that people who contribute to society are more successful. JqE5E
It is argued that people who make more money are most succesful, while other thinks that the individuals contributing to society like scientists and social worker are more successful. This essay will discuss the importance of both type of peoples. In my opinion, person who contribute to country is more successful. To commence with, money is very crucial part of one's life. A person who is earning huge amount of money can be considered as important, as he/she can do whatever they wants, without facing any problem. To illustrate, the American business man, Elon Musk, is one of the world's richest and successful man. His success is judged by his networth. In this way all other individuals who make a lot of money are thought to be important. However, the people who contribute to society are not behind the marhin to be called successful person's in life. But the only difference is that they along witb earning money, also serve to the nation and help their country to make progress. These people are generally scientis, teachers and social workers. For instance, Dr APJ Abdul kalam was well known scientist of India, having alot of wealth, but along with that he served for the nation and help nation to make development in field of science. To conclude, in my opinion, the defination of success is not earning money or gaining profit but making wise use of money. So i consider social workers to be more successful persons than other.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are most
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
, while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the individuals contributing to society like scientists and social worker are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. This essay will discuss the importance of both type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
. In my opinion, person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
contribute to country is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial part of one's life. A person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is earning huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, as he/she can do whatever they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "want"
wants
, without facing any problem. To illustrate, the American business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, Elon Musk, is one of the world's richest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. His success
is judged
by his
Possible spelling mistake found.
networth
. In this way all other individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
contribute to society are not behind the
Possible spelling mistake found.
marhin
to
be called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
person's in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
difference is that they along
Possible spelling mistake found.
witb
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
also
serve to the nation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their country to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progress. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
generally
Possible spelling mistake found.
scientis
, teachers and social workers.
For instance
, Dr APJ Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
kalam
was well known scientist of India, having
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
along with that he served for the nation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
nation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
development in field of science.
To conclude
, in my opinion, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
defination
of success is not earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or gaining profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
making wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
consider social workers to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
persons than other.
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IELTS essay Some people think that people who make more money are successful, but other thinks that people who contribute to society are more successful.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
248 words
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text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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