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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. dGKP
Some people hold the view that parents have the responsibility to teach their children to become a good member of the society, others feel that the school is the best place to learn social values. In my opinion, both the parents and the teachers have an indispensable role in shaping the character of their children. Firstly, parents are the primary teachers and home is the first school where the personality development of children is initiated. From birth to preschool children are under the sole custody of their parents. They imitate the actions of their parents and for this reason it is important for parents to become a good role model for their children. For instance, my niece is 5 years old and she respects elderly people since she has inculcated good qualities from her parents. However, parents are not the only influence on children. School plays an equally important role in the formation of their character. Here the children get to interact with other children of different character, personality and family backgrounds. This exposure that they get at school plays a crucial role in the formation of their parents. For example, team work is learnt in the school while participating in various competitions like debate, sports and so on. In my opinion, schools have a greater impact than parents on the social and moral development of children. Teachers provide standard expectations that our society has for its members, offering knowledge and ideas with less bias and less possibility of deviation from the student. As an evidence, in school children meet their classmates from various backgrounds, in order to help cultivate their ability to cherish and respect diversity. To sum up, parents undoubtedly are the first people who teach children values but the role school plays in nurturing kids with their holistic approach is definitely incredible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the responsibility to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member of the society, others feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the best place to learn social values. In my opinion, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the teachers have an indispensable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in shaping the character of their children.

Firstly
,
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parents
are the primary teachers and home is the
first
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school
where the personality development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is initiated
. From birth to preschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are under the sole custody of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They imitate the actions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
for this reason
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
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parents
to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model for their
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children
.
For instance
, my niece is 5 years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
she respects elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
since she has inculcated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualities from her parents.

However
,
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parents
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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School
plays an
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the formation of their character. Here the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
character, personality and family backgrounds. This exposure that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
plays a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the formation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, team work is
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
while participating in various competitions like debate, sports and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a greater impact than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on the social and moral development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Teachers provide standard expectations that our society has for its members, offering knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with less bias and less possibility of deviation from the student. As an evidence, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their classmates from various backgrounds, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
cultivate their ability to cherish and respect diversity.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
undoubtedly
are the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
plays in nurturing kids with their holistic approach is definitely incredible.
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IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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