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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. O1xE
It is thought that children should be educated to behave well in society by parents, while others believe that schools are more responsible for social nurturing. I strongly agree that parents should be in charge of this because they spend the most time with their children and can easily find a nurturing approach. Firstly, because parents spend much time with their children, they become the best role models of behaving in society. Parents are the persons who gives to children the first notion of world, life and soul. Their actions, and manners are became the standard model of behavior. In preschool period children unawarely absorb every information they get. Their parents are showing the standards of behaving. Children are imitating their parents’ behavior in subconsciously level. This is the reason why parents have more responsibilities on upbringing children. Secondly, dealing with children’s behavior is best done by their parents because parents can easily find an individual approach to the upbringing of their own children. In comparison with schools, it is easier for parents to bring up children. Parents can devote more time for every child than schools. Because, nurturing the less number of children is easier. Especially, finding an individual approach to the nurturing and educating. The connection between parents and children make the process of nurturing the children more suitable. All things considered, it can be concluded that parents are in charge of upbringing children than schools. Because the family is the first social institution, educating children to behave.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be educated
to behave well in society by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are more responsible for social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurturing
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be in charge of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend the most time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and can
easily
find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurturing
approach.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend much time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they become the best role models of behaving in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the persons who
Did you mean "give"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'persons' should be used.
gives
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
first
notion of world, life and soul. Their
The comma is probably incorrect: "actions"
actions,
and manners are
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
the standard model of behavior. In preschool period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
unawarely
absorb every information they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are showing the standards of behaving.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are imitating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
behavior in
subconsciously
level. This is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more responsibilities on upbringing children.

Secondly
, dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
behavior is best done by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
easily
find an individual approach to the upbringing of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to bring up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can devote more time for every child than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurturing
the less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is easier.
Especially
, finding an individual approach to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurturing
and educating. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurturing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more suitable.

All things considered, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are in charge of upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the family is the
first
social institution, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to behave.
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IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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