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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. X6lq
Children's could be developed by both indoor and outdoor activities, while it depends on what they are doing. However, it is thought that the children's will get more good impacts by doing some outdoor activities than those whose most likey to spend time with their computer game. I agree with this point of view, in this essay will discuss the impacts active outdoor such as having more friends and learn more things. Playing a digital game is not bad, this could help children to be more creative and think faster, this is because when playing games we using our eyes, muscles, brain, hands, it could make them think fast than normal people. the research shows that children who play games can do multi-tasks, while people who not playing cannot, so this also one part that can be improved for children. On the other hand, people tend to involve their children in societies rather than being in front of a computer all day long. there are long of all things that make adolescents get closer to society, thus, they more likely to make friends when they out, and it will teach them more things. In society today, there is a brunch of things that we need to learn and solve, the more do outdoor activities, the more we could develop ourselves. To sum up, it both has good impacts, while the vast majority of people tend to believe that we will be greater than we are now, if the joining more outdoor activities, consequently, it helps us to make friends and learn things from the community we live in.
Children's could
be developed
by both indoor and
outdoor
activities
, while it depends on what they are doing.
However
, it is
thought
that the children's will
get
more
good
impacts by doing
some
outdoor
activities
than those whose most
likey
to spend time with their computer game. I
agree
with this point of view, in this essay will discuss the impacts active
outdoor
such as having more friends and learn more things.

Playing a digital game is not
bad
, this could
help
children to be more creative and
think
faster, this is
because
when playing
games
we using
our eyes, muscles, brain, hands, it could
make
them
think
fast
than normal
people
.
the
research
shows
that children who play
games
can do multi-tasks, while
people
who not playing cannot,
so
this
also
one part that can be
improved
for children.

On the other hand
,
people
tend to involve their children in societies
rather
than being in front of a computer all day long.
there
are long of all things that
make
adolescents
get
closer to society,
thus
, they more likely to
make
friends when they out, and it will teach them more things. In society
today
, there is a brunch of things that we need to learn and solve, the more do
outdoor
activities
, the more we could develop ourselves.

To sum up, it both has
good
impacts, while the vast majority of
people
tend to believe that we will be greater than we are
now
, if the joining more
outdoor
activities
,
consequently
, it
helps
us to
make
friends and learn things from the community we
live
in.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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