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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. X6lq
Children's could be developed by both indoor and outdoor activities, while it depends on what they are doing. However, it is thought that the children's will get more good impacts by doing some outdoor activities than those whose most likey to spend time with their computer game. I agree with this point of view, in this essay will discuss the impacts active outdoor such as having more friends and learn more things. Playing a digital game is not bad, this could help children to be more creative and think faster, this is because when playing games we using our eyes, muscles, brain, hands, it could make them think fast than normal people. the research shows that children who play games can do multi-tasks, while people who not playing cannot, so this also one part that can be improved for children. On the other hand, people tend to involve their children in societies rather than being in front of a computer all day long. there are long of all things that make adolescents get closer to society, thus, they more likely to make friends when they out, and it will teach them more things. In society today, there is a brunch of things that we need to learn and solve, the more do outdoor activities, the more we could develop ourselves. To sum up, it both has good impacts, while the vast majority of people tend to believe that we will be greater than we are now, if the joining more outdoor activities, consequently, it helps us to make friends and learn things from the community we live in.
Children's could
be developed
by both indoor and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, while it depends on what they are doing.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the children's will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impacts by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than those whose most
Possible spelling mistake found.
likey
to spend time with their computer game. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view, in this essay will discuss the impacts active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
such as having more friends and learn more things.

Playing a digital game is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to be more creative and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
faster, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Did you mean "we're using", "we are using", or "we were using"?
we using
our eyes, muscles, brain, hands, it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that children who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can do multi-tasks, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who not playing cannot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
also
one part that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
for children.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to involve their children in societies
rather
than being in front of a computer all day long.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are long of all things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer to society,
thus
, they more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends when they out, and it will teach them more things. In society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there is a brunch of things that we need to learn and solve, the more do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, the more we could develop ourselves.

To sum up, it both has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impacts, while the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to believe that we will be greater than we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, if the joining more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends and learn things from the community we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
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IELTS essay Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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