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Some people think that only government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is our opinion?

Some people think that only government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is our opinion? lYOD
In modern reality, opinion of every personality have crucial influence for living of all country, otherwise, wisely say, that without active actions of authorities impossible receive any of remarkable changes in social life. In my thinking, and history have many evidences of this, individuals capable to change social reality and all country's life. Firstly, every one remember influence of personality on historical actions and those acts had remarkable consequences for all society and country. Modern history have many examples of it, one of them is a «Orange revolution» in Ukraine, when activity of many individuals push authorities to make alterations in result of electing and provide new elections, where won another president and all country changed the vector of developing for five years. Secondly, our society has many issues and government do not capable solve all of it. So, social active citizens help authorities to make quick and very requirement changes in our life. Such as, acting of citizens activists, after second Ukrainian revolution, provide remarkable novations in Ukrainian army and create one of the modern army in the world. Moreover, citizens activists had create control state department, which have making revision for all state purchasing, which authorities are buying for army and now our troops had receive modern equipment, high quality food and uniforms and was creating acceptable places, where soldiers are living and training. In conclusion, many of individuals provide significant alterations in social life and only acting of social active citizens capable provide remarkable and, some times, very requirement changes in our ordinary life and create benefits for all society.
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
reality, opinion of every personality have crucial influence for living of all country,
otherwise
,
wisely
say, that without active actions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
impossible receive any of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remarkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my thinking, and history have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
evidences of this, individuals capable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
reality and all
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "countrys"?
country's
life.

Firstly
, every one remember influence of personality on historical actions and those acts had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remarkable
consequences for all society and country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
history have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of it, one of them is a «Orange revolution» in Ukraine, when activity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
alterations in result of electing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
new elections, where won another president and all country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the vector of developing for five years.

Secondly
, our society has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
do not capable solve all of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
quick and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
requirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Such as, acting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
activists, after second Ukrainian revolution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remarkable
Possible spelling mistake found.
novations
in Ukrainian army and create one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
army in the world.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
activists had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "created".
create
control state department, which have making revision for all state purchasing, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
are buying for army and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
our troops had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "received".
receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
equipment, high quality food and uniforms and was creating acceptable places, where soldiers are living and training.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
significant alterations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remarkable
and,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
requirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in our ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and create benefits for all society.
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IELTS essay Some people think that only government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is our opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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