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Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. PpRJ
To express emotions such as delight or sadness, most people use various songs as their personal blog’s background music. Although music can convey the climax of a movie, it just an optional function to give tension. Music is vital at many parties, and people usually listen to music while running at a park. However, all those purposes are only for pleasure. Thus, no matter how many different types of music people use in their daily lives, music is just one form of typical entertainments.
To express emotions such as delight or sadness, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
various songs as their personal blog’s background music.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can convey the climax of a movie, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an optional function to give tension.

Music is vital at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parties, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while running at a

park.
However
, all those purposes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for pleasure.

Thus
, no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one form of typical entertainments.

IELTS essay Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
84 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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