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Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people while others believe that the purpose of museum is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people while others believe that the purpose of museum is to educate. bYYJ3
People have different opinions concerning whether aim of museums is to provide them entertainment or education. However in my perspective museums should be educational side. One one hand people said that museums should be amusement because if museums concentrate more into entertainment families also children spend leisure time by visiting there instead of watching tv or needless activities for instance there is best way to attract visitors in amusement way which is to organize pleasant games. Thus focus on education turn entertainment spaces into boring place. On the other hand ideal goal of museums is to provide information which is emphasising to education that means developing culture also friendly relationship as well as visitors increase self-respect among population. when guests get into there then become familiar with meaningful also historical pictures describes fascinating event by focus on several drawing but they can suffer amazing free time. such as main attraction of tourists are museums of cities. They plays important role to identify towns by history. In conclusion although entertainment sides else pleasant games engage people. In my own opinion the role of education is higher than entertaining. People are able to use other places to have happiness and educational stations have its aim.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions concerning whether aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is to provide them entertainment or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in my perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be educational side.

Possible typo: you repeated a word
One one
hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be amusement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
concentrate more into entertainment families
also
children spend leisure time by visiting there
instead
of watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or needless activities
for instance
there
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
way to attract visitors in amusement way which is to organize pleasant games.
Thus
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
turn entertainment spaces into boring place.

On the other hand
ideal goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is to provide information which is
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasising' is British English.
emphasising
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that means developing culture
also
friendly relationship
as well
as visitors increase self-respect among population.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
guests
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into there then become familiar with meaningful
also
historical pictures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
fascinating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
by focus on several drawing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can suffer amazing free time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
as main attraction of tourists are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
of cities. They
The pronoun 'They' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "play"
plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to identify towns by history.

In conclusion
although entertainment sides else pleasant games engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is higher than entertaining.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other places to have happiness and educational stations have its aim.
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IELTS essay Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people while others believe that the purpose of museum is to educate.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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