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In some countries, small town Centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out of town stores. As a result ,people without cars have unlimited access to out of town store and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think that are disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

In some countries, small town Centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out of town stores. As a result, people without cars have unlimited access to out of town store and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think that are disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages? jRRyM
In some nations, more and more people go to shopping in large out of town stores, so many small towns Centre shops are failed. Thus, people who do not have cars they face difficulties in shopping in out of town stores and this may be rised the usage of cars. While this has various benefits, I think that the drawbacks are outweigh its benefits. To commence with, shopping in large town store can have more advantages. Firstly, the preference for out of town help the automobile industry growth, because people who do not have car they must buy one car to travel to the stores. This lead to boost economic growth of that particular place. Secondly, It helps out of town business to make more profit which can foster the development of that area. As a result, people pay less attention to migrate the cities and it make easy to solve the burden of population in cities. On the other hand, I believe there are some drawbacks of this change. The first one is air pollution, since using more car emits a huge amount of smoke in the air. This causes that people can catch many diseases about breathing. In addition, heavy traffic jam on the streets in out trick of cities is a serious problem nowadays. This can contribute to that people waste their time and they are late for their work when they are stuck in jams. In conclusion, although there are some advantages of increase the number of shopping in out of town stores, but I still believe that its disadvantages are more significant.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in large out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
shops
are failed
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
they face difficulties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and this may be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. While this has various benefits, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the drawbacks are
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
its benefits. To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
can have more advantages.
Firstly
, the preference for out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the automobile industry growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to travel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
. This lead to boost economic growth of that particular place.
Secondly
, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
business to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profit which can foster the development of that area.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay less attention to migrate the cities and it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
easy to solve the burden of population in cities.
On the other hand
, I believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. The
first
one is air pollution, since using more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
emits a huge amount of smoke in the air. This causes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can catch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases about breathing.
In addition
, heavy traffic jam on the streets in out trick of cities is a serious problem nowadays. This can contribute to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they are late for their work when they
are stuck
in jams.
In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
believe that its disadvantages are more significant.
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IELTS essay In some countries, small town Centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out of town stores. As a result, people without cars have unlimited access to out of town store and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think that are disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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  • In some countries, small town Centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out of town stores. As a result ,people without cars have unlimited access to out of town store and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think that are disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?