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Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste valuable money. What is your opinion?

Huge amount of people think that much more donations should be spend on saving and protecting endangered species but in contrast other suppose that such expanse is not reasonable and rational. I am really into thoughts than spending money on dying out and concretely endangered species could not be unimproved. Firstly, I hardly believe that animals is an essential element of our life. At least some natural processes could not be reached without animals, which contains of endangered species too. Furthermore, I prefer to pursue a scientific theory about that animals lived in earth much more centuries than human civilization. It means that at least people should be respectful and responsible to protect previous population of earth. Moreover, one of the purposes of dying out is poaching and natural disasters. And if disasters are caused by nature, and could be resolved only by protecting animal’s natural habitat, in contrast, poaching is a human faulty. Various species have caused to exist only as a result of people greed. I hardly believe that tax for poaching could be higher and in result it could make environment saving wastes fall. For conclusion, animals is a huge part of world history, environment and human lives as well. Because of people repression and cupidity some kinds of animals started to be extinct. Following this, endangered species in immediately way should be protected, even if it takes colossal wastes. Otherwise, all human beings will live not the best live.
Huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that much more donations should be spend on saving and protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endangered
species
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in contrast
other suppose that such expanse is not reasonable and rational. I am
really
into thoughts than spending money on dying out and
concretely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endangered
species could not
be unimproved
.

Firstly
, I hardly believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is an essential element of our life. At least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
natural processes could not
be reached
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, which contains of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endangered
species too.
Furthermore
, I prefer to pursue a scientific theory about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in earth much more centuries than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
civilization. It means that at least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be respectful and responsible to protect previous population of earth.

Moreover
, one of the purposes of dying out is poaching and natural disasters. And if disasters
are caused
by nature, and could
be resolved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
natural habitat,
in contrast
, poaching is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
faulty. Various species have caused to exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
greed. I hardly believe that tax for poaching could be higher and in result it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
environment saving wastes fall.

For conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is a huge part of world history, environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
repression and cupidity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to be extinct. Following this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endangered
species in immediately way should
be protected
, even if it takes colossal wastes.
Otherwise
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
not the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

IELTS essay Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste valuable money. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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