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some people think that money is most essential factor in promoting happiness? do you think people can me happy without money

some people think that money is most essential factor in promoting happiness? do you think people can me happy without money bEy6l
some peoples consider that happiness can only be attained by money. In my opinion, it is possible for people to be happy even without money. First of all, newspapers have, for years, been employed for their comprehensiveness. It is true that through just a number of pages, the world’s most general information is captured from the life of a famous person to the wars happening somewhere around the globe. However, to those people who are avid readers and demand the depth of information, they prefer reading books and real-life interviews through television where they believe the truth can be revealed. We may know, in general, what is occurring, without the detailed analysis and emotional conveyance of writers through the short headlines. Besides, in the market-based economy, the content of several newspapers is central to the provision of hot news about the life of famous people to entice the audience and is likely to be embellished for the sake of profit. Occasionally, no sooner have I purchased a newspaper to read for its appealing headline, for instance, the adultery case of a celebrity, than I feel being deceived for its soulless description. It is also claimed that celebrities can use their money to ask writers to present information to their advantage or polish their images, despite their dearth of genuine talent.
some
peoples
consider that happiness can
only
be attained
by money. In my opinion, it is possible for
people
to be happy even without money.
First of all
, newspapers have, for years,
been employed
for their comprehensiveness. It is true that through
just
a number of pages, the world’s most general information
is captured
from the life of a
famous
person to the wars happening somewhere around the globe.
However
, to those
people
who are avid readers and demand the depth of information, they prefer reading books and real-life interviews through television where they believe the truth can
be revealed
. We may know,
in general
, what is occurring, without the detailed analysis and emotional conveyance of writers through the short headlines.
Besides
, in the market-based economy, the content of several newspapers is central to the provision of hot news about the life of
famous
people
to entice the audience and is likely to
be embellished
for the sake of profit.
Occasionally
, no sooner have I
purchased
a newspaper to read for its appealing headline,
for instance
, the adultery case of a celebrity, than I feel
being deceived
for its soulless description. It is
also
claimed that celebrities can
use
their money to ask writers to present information to their advantage or polish their images, despite their dearth of genuine talent.
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IELTS essay some people think that money is most essential factor in promoting happiness? do you think people can me happy without money

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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