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Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public spaces like libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public spaces like libraries, shops and on public transport. JYVE0
It is sometimes argued that we are not allowed to use mobile phones in public spaces like libraries, shops and on public transport. While I accept that this may suit in many circumstances, I believe that mobile phones might have some advantages for certain groups of people. On the one hand, allowing using mobile phones might have some benefits to travelers, customers and the community. Firstly, foreign tourists could read numerous instructions or signals in public areas transparently and conveniently by using a language translator application. For example, visitors can interpret a deluge of information about Covid 19 pandemic from other languages to native language by their handheld devices in order to prepare for their vacation as impeccably as possible anywhere and reduce the transmission of crippling virus in the community. Furthermore, mobile phones are a good means of communication assisting a plethora of people who are in a tight corner. Take for example a kid who loses track in crowded public areas. Upon using a smartphone, he/she can be in touch with his/her parents to find help and then, parents can attempt to trace the whereabouts of their kid by the information that their kids provide. On the other hand, ubiquitous mobile phones could degrade the conception of public places seeing that they put some distance between people. Should we use cell phones in public places, it will deteriorate the level of social connections and communications. For instance, on public transport, we perpetually glue to our smartphone screen and become more detached from the surroundings as they are engrossed in chatting with their friends or browsing the web, which does not interact with other people by an open channel of communication. This will make everyone grow apart from each other and lose an essence of society. Banning using mobile phones in public spaces plays an integral part in improving social communication and raising awareness of everyone about the importance of the community in education and personality development. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that using handheld devices could be beneficial to visitor’s experience and notice the spread of covid 19 during the public health crisis, I still believe that banning using mobile phones is a good way to preserve the nature of social connections.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that we are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
spaces like libraries, shops and on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport. While I accept that this may suit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances, I believe that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for certain groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, allowing using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to travelers, customers and the community.
Firstly
, foreign tourists could read numerous instructions or signals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas
transparently
and
conveniently
by using a language translator application.
For example
, visitors can interpret a deluge of information about
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
pandemic from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
languages to native language by their handheld devices in order to prepare for their vacation as
impeccably
as possible anywhere and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the transmission of crippling virus in the community.
Furthermore
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
assisting a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in a tight corner. Take
for example
a kid who loses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
in crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas. Upon using a smartphone, he/she can be in touch with his/her parents to find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and then, parents can attempt to trace the whereabouts of their kid by the information that their kids provide.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, ubiquitous mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
could degrade the conception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places seeing that they put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distance between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Should we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places, it will deteriorate the level of social connections and communications.
For instance
, on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport, we
perpetually
glue to our smartphone screen and become more detached from the surroundings as they
are engrossed
in chatting with their friends or browsing the web, which does not interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by an open channel of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "grows", "grew".
grow
apart from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and lose an essence of society. Banning using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
spaces plays an integral part in improving social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and raising awareness of everyone about the importance of the community in education and personality development.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that using handheld devices could be beneficial to visitor’s experience and notice the spread of
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid 19
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
health crisis, I
still
believe that banning using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to preserve the nature of social connections.
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IELTS essay Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public spaces like libraries, shops and on public transport.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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