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Some people think that kids should be sent to nursery school before primary while others think kids should be kept at home with family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that kids should be sent to nursery school before primary while others think kids should be kept at home with family. kYjP8
In recent years, pre-school culture for the kids has been flourished quite significantly, where the younger ones have to learn certain traits and ethics before starting their primary education. while some believe that this trend is pretty beneficial for the initial learning, others argue on the importance of parental supervision for the toddlers. In my perspective, home is the place where the kids learn the most; however, working parents have no option other than the kindergartens. It is often said that home is the first educational centre for the growing kids where they learn various cultural norms under the guidance of their parents. This means that the early age of the kids is a time where their mind is developing exceptionally, and the immediate family is the one who keeps an eye on them and teach them. For instance, a child would learn at its best by observation, where the parents play a pivotal role by educating the kids to respect elders, how to eat and how to talk to others. Therefore, it is obvious that there is no replacement for learning with parents. On the other hand, if the husband and wife are career-oriented people then they may have no other options left. In this situation, it is essential to leave a kid to a place where he would be in safe hands, rather than hiring a nanny who might have no idea about treating the kids properly. Furthermore, the staff at such institutes is specially trained to handle the immature toddlers and they know how to cater them. For example, In South Korea, more than 90% of the kids are sent to these kindergartens which results in highest literacy rate in Asia, and also government supports the working parents by exemption in charges. Hence, this practice would ensure that kids learn in the safest hands. In conclusion, although some think that kindergartens are essential for the kids to learn certain traits before starting their educational journey, others argue otherwise. In my opinion, pre-schools are needed for the kids of working parents, otherwise, home is the best place to learn the cultural norms and etiquettes.
In recent years,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
culture for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
has
been flourished
quite
significantly
, where the younger ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
certain traits and ethics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting their primary education.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that this trend is pretty beneficial for the initial learning, others argue on the importance of parental supervision for the toddlers. In my perspective, home is the place where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the most;
however
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have no option
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than the kindergartens.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that home is the
first
educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
various cultural norms under the guidance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This means that the early age of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is a
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
their mind is developing
exceptionally
, and the immediate family is the one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
an eye on them and teach them.
For instance
, a child would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at its best by observation, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a pivotal role by educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to respect elders, how to eat and how to talk to others.
Therefore
, it is obvious that there is no replacement for learning with parents.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if the husband and wife are career-oriented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
then they may have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
options
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
. In this situation, it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to a place where he would be in safe hands,
rather
than hiring a nanny who might have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about treating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
properly
.
Furthermore
, the staff at such institutes is
specially
trained to handle the immature
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
toddlers and
they know how to cater them.
For example
, In South Korea, more than 90% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to these kindergartens which results in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
literacy rate in Asia, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supports the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by exemption in charges.
Hence
, this practice would ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in the safest hands.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that kindergartens are essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
certain traits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting their educational journey, others argue
otherwise
. In my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-schools
are needed
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
otherwise
, home is the best place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the cultural norms and
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
.

IELTS essay Some people think that kids should be sent to nursery school before primary while others think kids should be kept at home with family.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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