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Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

in these days, jobs are more important. so it need satisfaction as well as security. while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. There are some arguments that job satisfaction is more important. On the other hand, numerous people claim that it is more essential to do a permanent job. Contrast with security jobs, pleasure jobs are more likely to not guaranteed. Although both of them have their merit, in my opinion, people should mention their own condition and their perspective as well. Some people choose a job that has high security even though a big deal of anxiety because they want to ensure their future life. Individuals who look toward job satisfaction might think that high salary or stability isn't a big deal to them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
in
these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
so
it
The pronoun ‘it’ requires a third-person verb or a past tense.
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
as well
as security.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they cannot always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
, a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
On the other hand
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that it is more essential to do a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Contrast with security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, pleasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are more likely to not guaranteed.

Although both of them have their merit, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should mention their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
condition and their perspective
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that has high security
even though
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal of anxiety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to ensure their future life. Individuals who look toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that high salary or stability isn't a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal to them.
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IELTS essay Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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