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In Some Countries Owning A Home Rather Than Renting One Is Considered More Important

As our world's population is increasingly growing bigger, the demand of housing is also rising. This phenomenon can be seen in numerous countries where people still considered that having a house is as the most essential part of their lives. Why is this still prevalent? . Firstly, every cultures have different thought of what successful people actually is. In numerous countries, Asian in particular, success is defined by having private properties, even though Asian countries is getting more crowded, but this set of lives has never changed. Furthermore, it has been shaping Asian's people mind for generations. For instance, in Indonesia people are willing to spend their money to buy private properties rather that renting a house then becoming a tenant due to the fact that it will lower their status in front of other people. In addition, they don't mind to work very hard in order to pay their property off. Consequently, people's pride and tradition are the reason why owning a house is really common accross Asian nations. Secondly, this case definitely has more positives sides instead of resulting some drawbacks. For example, having private property is also the signs that the economic growth of the countries is improving really well, which resulted in people's capability to buy houses. Moreover, this is also a sign that people have more freedom to choose in which type of houses they want to live. Finally, to conclude, the possession of private property is primary due to people's ambition to be successful in their lives so that they would gain respect from others. And this thing is acceptable as long as in considerable sense.
As our world's population is
increasingly
growing bigger, the demand of housing is
also
rising. This phenomenon can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
considered that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is as the most essential part of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Why is this
still
prevalent?
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.


Firstly
, every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “culture”?
cultures
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of what successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually is. In numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, Asian
in particular
, success
is defined
by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
properties
,
even though
Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is getting more crowded,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
has never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
Furthermore
, it has been shaping Asian's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mind for generations.
For instance
, in Indonesia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to spend their money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
properties
rather
that renting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
then becoming a tenant due to the fact that it will lower their status in front of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, they don't mind to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
property
off.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's pride and tradition are the reason why owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is
really
common
Possible spelling mistake found.
accross
Asian nations.

Secondly
, this case definitely has more positives sides
instead
of resulting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
For example
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
property
is
also
the signs that the economic growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is improving
really
well, which resulted in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's capability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
.
Moreover
, this is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more freedom to choose in which type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Finally
,
to conclude
, the possession of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
property
is primary due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's ambition to be successful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would gain respect from others. And this thing is acceptable as long as in considerable sense.
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IELTS essay In Some Countries Owning A Home Rather Than Renting One Is Considered More Important

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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