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Some people think that it’s better to start a music club than a basketball club at your school. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? State your opinion and support it with reasons and examples

Some people think that it’s better to start a music club than a basketball club at your school. with this opinion? State your opinion and support it with reasons and examples y81V
Nowadays, variety of educational clubs and extracurricular activities paly significant role in adolescent physical and mental development. People believe that music is essential for youth development though I strongly believe that the long-term impact of physical education is invaluable for development of healthy generation. Firstly, it is well -known fact that people in 21 century suffer with obesity and other numerous health problems. In my opinion, supporting basketball club at school will promote healthy lifestyle among schoolchildren that is so important in the era of technologies. Moreover, multicultural competence, interpersonal and leadership skills. Involvement in the club will help to raise socially intelligent and responsible adults. No one can deny that music is very important factor for students’ overall development. All children should have an access to culture and fine arts. however, I strongly believe that 21st century’s inactive generation faces necessity of physical development. we should raise strong youth for our future. To sum up, at school children should be provided with different types of education. Though in my opinion, physical activities will support society’s physical and mental development. It will decrease the number of weight problems and improves the quality of life in the country.
Nowadays, variety of educational clubs and extracurricular activities
Possible spelling mistake found.
paly
significant role in adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
believe that music is essential for youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
though I
strongly
believe that the long-term impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education is invaluable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of healthy generation.

Firstly
, it is well -known fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
Did you mean "21st century"?
21 century
suffer with obesity and other numerous health problems. In my opinion, supporting basketball club at school will promote healthy lifestyle among schoolchildren
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the era of technologies.
Moreover
, multicultural competence, interpersonal and leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Involvement in the club will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to raise
socially
intelligent and responsible adults.

No one can deny that music is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for students’
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. All children should have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to culture and fine arts.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, I
strongly
believe that 21st century’s inactive generation faces necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
should raise strong youth for our future.

To sum up, at school children should
be provided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of education. Though in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities will support society’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. It will decrease the number of weight problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of life in the country.

IELTS essay Some people think that it’s better to start a music club than a basketball club at your school. with this opinion? State your opinion and support it with reasons and examples

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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