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Some people think that it is necessary to save money for life after retirement To what extent do you agree or disagree

It is a debatable topic whether individuals should be responsible to keep their funds saved for their well beings after their retirements. I certainly agree with this viewpoint as people should not be relied on anyone for their care during difficult times, and should invest their money for unforeseen situations after their retirement. Many people, in cities, live a lavished lifestyle and disagree with the opinion of saving cash for their future; this often results in difficulties in uncertain situations in life as they have no financial support in such critical situations. For this reason, it is always advisable to live a simple life, and a small proportion of our income should be saved for our necessities which arise after the period of earning is over. Furthermore, many old aged people live an isolated life, therefore, they have to be financially prepared to take care of their health. For example, in Canada, almost 70% of youngsters invest their money in different schemes for their futures and ensure that they do not rely on anyone during any uncertainties. Secondly, in almost every nation, there are central government schemes that provide pensions to the elderly after their retirement from jobs. In spite of such initiatives; there are a large proportion of citizens who are unable to avail these benefits due to irregularities in such programmes. Apart from this, it is a cumbersome task for any government authority to bear the health care cost of all the old people of the country, and make sure that these benefits are directly accessible by every group of the society. All these problems can be resolved if a small portion of our income is saved for our future. For instance, people in India save a part of their monthly wage as a provident fund and use the same money after retirement. Taking all this into consideration, some individuals argue that people should be responsible for their own care after retiring from their jobs. I believe it is of utmost importance to put aside some money from our monthly income for unforeseen circumstances in the future. Also, without relying on government schemes, people should invest their money to insure their lives against any misfortunes.
It is a debatable topic whether individuals should be responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their funds saved for their well beings after their retirements. I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
be relied
on anyone for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
during difficult times, and should invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for unforeseen situations after their retirement.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in cities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a lavished lifestyle and disagree with the opinion of saving cash for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
; this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in difficulties in uncertain situations in life as they have no financial support in such critical situations.
For this reason
, it is always advisable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a simple life, and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportion of our income should
be saved
for our necessities which arise after the period of earning is over.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
an isolated life,
therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
financially
prepared to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their health.
For example
, in Canada, almost 70% of youngsters invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
schemes for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
futures
and ensure that they do not rely on anyone during any uncertainties.

Secondly
, in almost every nation, there are central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
schemes that provide pensions to the elderly after their retirement from jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
such initiatives; there are a large proportion of citizens who are unable to avail these benefits due to irregularities in such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. Apart from this, it is a cumbersome task for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authority to bear the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
cost of all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the country, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that these benefits are
directly
accessible by every group of the society. All these problems can
be resolved
if a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
portion of our income
is saved
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India save a part of their monthly wage as a provident fund and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
after retirement.

Taking all this into consideration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
after retiring from their jobs. I believe it is of utmost importance to put aside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from our monthly income for unforeseen circumstances in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Also
, without relying on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
schemes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to insure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
against any misfortunes.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is necessary to save money for life after retirement

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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