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Some people think that it is necessary to save money for life after retirement To what extent do you agree or disagree

People who work in the service sector have to retire someday. And when they retire, their earning capacity declines or simply disappears. Unless you are in a career with guaranteed retirement benefits, you need to start planning for those twilight years while you are still working and earning. Many people dread their retirement years and that is hardly surprising. When people retire they lose their steady stream of income. This could make them feel worthless. Retirement years are also plagued by health problems and other worries. People who haven’t planned for this stage by saving enough money will find it difficult to tide over this crisis. In many countries, for example, in India parents expect their children to take care of them when they grow old. Although many young people will willingly provide for their aged parents, some are not all that generous. Needless to say, many aged people are now forced to spend their last years in old age homes because their children are either unwilling or incapable of taking care of them. If these people had secured their retirement years by saving money, they would have been able to lead a dignified life until their last breath. What’s more, people’s perception of retirement has undergone a tremendous change in recent years. Gone are the days when retirement was all about babysitting one’s grandchildren. Now many aged people have their own dreams and aspirations. For example, they might want to learn a new skill or do a bit of traveling. None of these would be possible if they didn’t have money in their hand. Of course, people working in the public sector will receive pension and other benefits when they retire. They may not need to plan for their retirement by saving money. Still, planning makes life easier. It makes us better equipped to handle the many surprises that life throws at us. In conclusion, planning for one’s retirement by saving money is absolutely necessary. It makes life more enjoyable and free of worries. Even if a person is working in the public sector with guaranteed retirement benefits, it makes sense to build a retirement corpus by setting aside a small sum every month.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who work in the service sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
someday. And when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
, their earning capacity declines or
simply
disappears. Unless you are in a career with guaranteed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
benefits, you need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
planning for those twilight years while you are
still
working and earning.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dread their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
years and
that is
hardly surprising.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
they lose their steady stream of income. This could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel worthless.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Retirement
years are
also
plagued by health problems and other worries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who haven’t planned for this stage by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will find it difficult to tide over this crisis.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
for example
, in India parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their children to take care of them when they grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
willingly
provide for their aged parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are not all that generous. Needless to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
forced to spend their last years in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their children are either unwilling or incapable of taking care of them. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had secured their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
years by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they would have been able to lead a dignified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
until their last breath.

What’s more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
has undergone a tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in recent years. Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
was all about babysitting one’s grandchildren.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams and aspirations.
For example
, they might want to learn a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
or do a bit of traveling. None of these would be possible if they didn’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their hand.

Of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in the public sector will receive pension and other benefits when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
. They may not need to plan for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Still
, planning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us better equipped to handle the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surprises that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
throws at us.

In conclusion
, planning for one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
absolutely
necessary. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more enjoyable and free of worries. Even if a person is working in the public sector with guaranteed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
benefits, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
sense to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
corpus by setting aside a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
sum every month.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is necessary to save money for life after retirement

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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