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some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in team, likes football, while

some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in team, likes football, while eAAEK
Some people argued that people will get more beneficial when they take part in team sports like football. Meanwhile, others think that individual sports will be better such as swimming, tennis…Personally, I think that both opinionsare of great significance in equal measure, and I will further elaborate in this essay. Teamwork increases the quality of work and in sports too. Team sports have many benefits, one of these advantages is relationships building. It’s like university environment, at first when we join a club, we probably won’t know anyone, but after a period of activities, we will get to know many people. One example of building up relationships that we will meet many people in a group who we have never met before, this means we will make many friends so our relationships will be expanded. Another benefit that team sports bring is that develop interpertional skills. A clearly example of this benefit is that we become more responsible at work, besides we will be improve leading skill and develop problem-solving thinking when working in groups. On the other hand, when individuals work on their own, they will also have a certain quality of work and creativity. This is also possible with separate sports. When we take part in a sport on our own, we build up personal skill. We will decide for ourselves how to play, tactics and be able to promote our talents without limitations. In addition, we will challenge ourselves more to achieve higher results. For instance, swimmers Anh Vien Anh Vien was one of the top swimmers at Sea Games 2015 in Singapore along with native Singaporean Joseph Schooling. She was the best female athlete at this competition when she captures 8 gold medals, 1 silver medal and 1 bronze medal. This excellent result for this example. In conclusion, my firm conviction is that playing sports as a team or individually brings equal benefits. Depending on our ability to decide what kind of sports we are suitable for and what benefits will then be gained.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that
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people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more beneficial when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like football. Meanwhile, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will be better such as swimming, tennis…
Add a space between sentences
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both
Possible spelling mistake found.
opinionsare
of great significance in equal measure, and I will
further
elaborate in this essay.

Teamwork increases the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, one of these advantages is relationships building. It’s like university environment, at
first
when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a club, we
probably
won’t know anyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after a period of activities, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One example of building up relationships that we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
in a group who we have never met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, this means we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
our relationships will
be expanded
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring is that develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
interpertional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A
You used an adverb ('clearly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('example') instead of another adjective.
clearly example
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that we become more responsible at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
besides
we will be
Consider using the past participle "improved"?
improve
leading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and develop problem-solving thinking when working in groups.

On the other hand
, when individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they will
also
have a certain quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and creativity. This is
also
possible with separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, we build up personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. We will decide for ourselves how to play, tactics and be able to promote our talents without limitations.
In addition
, we will challenge ourselves more to achieve higher results.
For instance
, swimmers
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "Anh Vien".
Anh Vien Anh Vien
was one of the top swimmers at Sea Games 2015 in Singapore along with native Singaporean Joseph Schooling. She was the best female athlete at this competition when she captures 8 gold medals, 1 silver medal and 1 bronze medal. This excellent result for this example.

In conclusion
, my firm conviction is that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
or
individually
brings equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. Depending on our ability to decide what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
we are suitable for and what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
will then
be gained
.
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IELTS essay some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in team, likes football, while

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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