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Some people think that in the modern country we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that in the modern country we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people become more independent. AKK1
The modernization had indeed made people more self-reliant on others than before, however, some people argue that we are still reliant on each other and dependency retains as the time has progressed. The following essay will discuss both opinions, but in my personal view, I believe that people have become more independent nowadays. On the one hand, there are, however, several reasons correlated to reliance on each other in recent years. Firstly, the more jobs become complicated and specialized, the more teamwork and coordination among different departments/groups become crucial than personal achievements. For example, if a group is working on a project that requires a director and director demands producer and so forth. Admittedly, it is evident that dependency on each other still resides. Secondly, everyone relies on technology. Apparently, every individual relies on the specialist technician of his or her sphere to tackle  an issue of everyday life, since technology has influenced most of the human beings. On the other hand, it is also considered by most that may have become more independent for certain reasons. First of all, it might be the primary reason that financial and educational freedom leads to this type of this situation, especially by young people. For instance, more and more students have part-time jobs while their formation and this gives a great economic opportunity for them as they do not have to ask for pocket money from their parents. Furthermore, what makes people more independent is the popularity of the internet because everyone can find solutions for their problems without any help. Taking all opinions into consideration, even though there are some circumstances where people are still reliant to some extent, I am convinced that everybody has become more independent these days.
The modernization had
indeed
made
people
more self-reliant on others than
before
,
however
,
some
people
argue that we are
still
reliant on each
other
and dependency retains as the time has progressed. The following essay will discuss both opinions,
but
in my personal view, I believe that
people
have
become
more
independent
nowadays. On the one hand, there are,
however
, several reasons correlated to reliance on each
other
in recent years.
Firstly
, the more jobs
become
complicated and specialized, the more teamwork and coordination among
different
departments/groups
become
crucial than personal achievements.
For example
, if a group is working on a project that requires a director and director demands producer and
so
forth.
Admittedly
, it is evident that dependency on each
other
still
resides.
Secondly
, everyone relies on technology.
Apparently
, every individual relies on the specialist technician of
his or her
sphere to tackle
 
an issue of everyday life, since technology has influenced most of the human beings. On the
other
hand, it is
also
considered by most that may have
become
more
independent
for certain reasons.
First of all
, it might be the primary reason that financial and educational freedom leads to this type of this situation,
especially
by young
people
.
For instance
, more and more students have part-time jobs while their formation and this gives a great economic opportunity for them as they do not
have to
ask for
pocket money from their parents.
Furthermore
, what
makes
people
more
independent
is the popularity of the internet
because
everyone can find solutions for their problems without any
help
. Taking all opinions into consideration,
even though
there are
some
circumstances where
people
are
still
reliant to
some
extent, I
am convinced
that everybody has
become
more
independent
these days.
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IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern country we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people become more independent.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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