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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? kYRRe
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether extreme activities such as sky diving and skiing should be banned due to the fact that these activities are harmful. Personally, I tend to disagree with this with the following reasons. First and foremost, extreme sports is safe enough for everyone who is trained correctly by professional players and they must strict with the rules of practicing. For example, skiing activity, many skii resorts provide a basic course and examination for new joiners in this present age so they can learn from expert skii players and it is a must for new players that they have to pass the examination before skiing alone. Furthermore, skiing players should keep in mind about the rules and conditions every time when they go to the skii resort. Another important reason to support why we should not banned the extreme sports is these activities can be sources of revenue and main factors to drive an society's economy. For instance, Hokkaido, it is a huge town which located in the North of Japan. It is very popular places for skiing during winter time. There are a hundred of skii resorts in this area therefore over thoundsands of tourist visited Hokkaido every winter to meet a new experience of skiing. The result of this is skii resort become one of the most crucial income source for Hokkaido and it is create many job opportunities for people who live there. I admit that extreme sport can be dangerous. Despite that the risks of extreme sports can be eliminated if the players have enough traning and experience. In conclusion, I would argue that the extreme activities are not harmful and should not be banned based on the above reasoning I have presented.
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and skiing should
be banned
due to the fact that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are harmful.
Personally
, I tend to disagree with this with the following reasons.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for everyone who
is trained
correctly
by professional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
players and
they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
must strict
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of practicing.
For example
, skiing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
skii
resorts provide a basic course and examination for new joiners in this present age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can learn from expert
Possible spelling mistake found.
skii
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pass the examination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
skiing alone.
Furthermore
, skiing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and conditions every time when they go to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
skii
resort.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason to support why we should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "ban"
banned
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be sources of revenue and main factors to drive
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
society's economy.
For instance
, Hokkaido, it is a huge town which located in the North of Japan. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular places for skiing during winter time. There are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "hundreds"?
hundred
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
skii
resorts in this area
therefore
over
Possible spelling mistake found.
thoundsands
of tourist visited Hokkaido every winter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a new experience of skiing. The result of this is
Possible spelling mistake found.
skii
resort become one of the most crucial income source for Hokkaido and it is
Consider using a past participle here: "created".
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there.

I admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. Despite that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
be eliminated
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
traning
and experience.

In conclusion
, I would argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are not harmful and should not
be banned
based on the above reasoning I have presented.
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IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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