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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? P2jJ
Each occupation demands certain criteria of work to be done. Regardless of occupation, retirement age is fixed which is 65 years. Some people advocate that, certain workers deserve early retirement and should receive pension once they get retire. I strongly agree with the statement, as there is occupation which needs heavy physical work. I will highlight such occupation, with explanation of why I agree with the above statement in my essay. There are some occupations which demand extremely hard work which include physical as well as mental work at the same time. For e. g. , mine worker, truck drive, garbage picker, sewage cleaner etc. Each occupation mentioned above needs physical work and in some cases the hours of work is not regulated. This worker must work all day in different environment and in different circumstances, no matter whether the weather is cold or very hot outside, they must work. As these works are very time demanding, worker of this occupation does not have much time to go out and live their life. Some of these works are 6 to seven days a week which force this worker to work overtime and so they hardly spend quality time with there loved ones. I have a very good example to justify my point. My friend is a truck driver, and he picks up a load from Toronto, Canada to California USA. He spends 6 days of a week in truck and some time 7 days a week if the receiver of the load is busy, results in no or very less family time. When I was on call with him, he told me that I will take retirement at the age of 60 years, as he wants to spend time with his family. Above mention are the reason why I strongly agree with the people who believe that the retirement age should be depending on the type of occupation instated of a fixed age of 65 years. Extreme
Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
demands certain criteria of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
be done
. Regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
which is 65 years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
deserve early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
and should receive pension once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retire. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, as there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
which needs heavy physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I will highlight such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
, with explanation of why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement in my essay.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
which demand
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which include physical
as well
as mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. For
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
mine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
, truck drive, garbage picker, sewage cleaner etc. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
mentioned above needs physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases the hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is not regulated. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
all day in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environment and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
circumstances, no matter whether the weather is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hot outside, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work.

As these works are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
demanding,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
does not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these works are 6 to seven days a week which force this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
overtime and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they hardly spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to justify my point. My friend is a truck driver, and he picks up a load from Toronto, Canada to California USA. He spends 6 days of a week in truck and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
7 days a week if the receiver of the load is busy, results in
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. When I was on call with him, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that I will take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 years, as he wants to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with his family.

Above mention are the reason why I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be depending
on the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
instated of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 years.

Extreme
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IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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