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Some people think that governments should take care of unemployed. Do you agree /disagree.

Some people think that governments should take care of unemployed. Do you agree /disagree. pRaRy
Unemployment is a problem that many countries have been facing for over decades. Some are of the notion that the government of respective countries should take care of the unemployed while others opine against it. I completely agree with the former as it gives the citizens time to explore more opportunities with negligible risk and also with the low demand of man power in certain countries, the citizens might not have many options. To begin with, government policies to financially support its people gives them enough confidence to explore the areas of work they are more comfortable with. It in turn increases the Happiness Index of the country. To cite an example of Netherland, which has the highest Happiness Index in the world gives two hundred euros to its citizens when they are unemployed. The relation of happiness and monetary support is that they get some time to think and pursue the field where they can be more productive and make use of their talent. Thus, it is a mutual gain for both the country and its people. Secondly, in highly populated countries, there might not be as much demand as there are people. For example, although there is no lack of talented engineers in India, which is the second most populous country in the world, there are seldom requirements for them as vacancies get filled in a jiffy. The Indian government should promote investments from foreign companies to create demand as it is not graduates' fault that opportunity does not exist. Thus, a government should help the unemployed as it is not always a person's fault that they do not have a job. In conclusion, governments must take care of the unemployed people as it in turn improves the country's status and also in some cases the unemployed ones does not even get the opportunity to get a job.
Unemployment is a problem that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been facing for over decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the notion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
while others opine against it. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former as it gives the citizens time to explore more opportunities with negligible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and
also
with the low demand of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
power in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the citizens might not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policies to
financially
support its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
gives
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
confidence to explore the areas of work they are more comfortable with. It in turn increases the Happiness Index of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. To cite an example of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Netherland
, which has the highest Happiness Index in the world gives two hundred euros to its citizens when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
. The relation of happiness and monetary support is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and pursue the field where they can be more productive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their talent.
Thus
, it is a mutual gain for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, in
highly
populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there might not be as much demand as there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, although there is no lack of talented engineers in India, which is the second most populous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world, there are seldom requirements for them as vacancies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
filled in a jiffy. The Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should promote investments from foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to create demand as it is not graduates' fault that opportunity does not exist.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
as it is not always a person's fault that they do not have a job.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as it in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the country's status and
also
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
ones does not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.
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IELTS essay Some people think that governments should take care of unemployed. Do you agree /disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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