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Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. m0kO
In recent years, creative artists have become a broad issue to the general public. Some people believe that governments should give financial support to creative artists. However, others think that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. In my opinion, I agree with the former idea. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective. First and foremost, people should recognize that some art projects are funded by the state. A very important point to consider is that artworks appearing on the road play a big role in foreigners’ view of the culture of a country. This means that they serve to educate people about the city, and act as landmark or talking points for visitors and tourists. Thus the government should pay creative artists to produce this kind of art, because without their funding our cities would be much less interesting and attractive. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention that in Yen Dung district, there are many historical paintings painted by artists here and paid for by the government. On the other hand, there are several arguments in support of the idea that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. It is convincing to realize that when the state invests in artists, the amount invested in society is less. Thus artists should compose and sell their works instead of financially supporting the state. Or they should apply for capital from art companies. A specific example of this is that famous artists are very wealthy by selling their arts. in conclusion, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it is still a controversial issue. As far as I am concerned, I put more highlight on the idea that governments should give financial support to creative artists. People should have further consideration on this issue.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have become a broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
to the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should give financial support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should
be funded
by alternative sources. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should recognize that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
projects
are funded
by the state. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider is that artworks appearing on the road play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in foreigners’ view of the culture of a country. This means that they serve to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the city, and act as landmark or talking points for visitors and tourists.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to produce this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without their funding our cities would be much less interesting and attractive. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention that in Yen Dung district, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
historical paintings painted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
here and paid for by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the other hand
, there are several arguments in support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should
be funded
by alternative sources. It is convincing to realize that when the state invests in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, the amount invested in society is less.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should compose and sell their works
instead
of
financially
supporting the state. Or they should apply for capital from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. A specific example of this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wealthy by selling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
evaluate the impact of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, and it is
still
a controversial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. As far as I
am concerned
, I put more highlight on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should give financial support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should have
further
consideration on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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