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Some people think that government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists, while some others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion?

Some people think that government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists, while some others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion? kYx0e
With the development of economic and the progress of technology, people’s living level have[has] been greatly improved. At the same time, The government provides many[much] assistance with some professional talents, such as artists. Some people think that all kinds of artists are[Should be] obtained financial help from the government, while some others think that this is not necessary. I disagree with this opinion. On the one hand, the government should allocate funds to artists. The reason is that art can improve people's lives. It can not only enrich people's spiritual world but also strengthen the cohesiveness of the people throughout the country. Of course, this fund can also better inspire the artist's creative inspiration and make them better to achieve their personal value. The government should develop some art-related policies. The forms of art are diverse, and it is difficult for different kinds of artists to succeed, so these artists can better develop and contribute to the country only with the support of the government. On the other hand, it is not necessary for the government to invest a large amount of money in artists and it should use this money for more important things, such as technology. The development of science and technology can enhance the country's overall national strength and the country's competitiveness. At the same time, some people are likely to pretend that they are musicians or writers to get help from the state, which will lead to a serious economic burden on the country. As a result, the country’s fiscal spending will increase and income will decrease. In conclusion, although the government's help to all kinds of artists has many negative effects, this does not stop the development of art. At the same time, art is also very important for the development of today's society. Actually, the success of artists means the development and prosperity of all kinds of art. Therefore, in order to create a good cultural environment, the country should provide assistance to these artists.
With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of economic and the progress of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living level have[has] been
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. At the same time, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
[much] assistance with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional talents, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are[Should be] obtained financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is not necessary. I disagree with this opinion.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enrich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's spiritual world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
strengthen the cohesiveness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Of course
, this fund can
also
better inspire the artist's creative inspiration and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better to achieve their personal value. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
art-related policies. The forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are diverse, and it is difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to succeed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can better develop and contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with the support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the other hand
, it is not necessary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to invest a large amount of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this money for more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things, such as technology. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of science and technology can enhance the country's
overall
national strength and the country's competitiveness. At the same time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to pretend that they are musicians or writers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the state, which will lead to a serious economic burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
fiscal spending will increase and income will decrease.

In conclusion
, although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, this does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. At the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society. Actually, the success of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and prosperity of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Therefore
, in order to create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cultural environment, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should provide assistance to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists, while some others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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