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Do you think that people from certain ethnic backgrounds should be given greater access to education?

Do you think that people from certain ethnic backgrounds should be given greater access to education? m1XB8
Food, water and shelter are basic needs of a human. We need them to keep ourselves alive. However, nowadays, there is also a need for education to make sure we can survive on this earth. People need education to become knowledgeable. With knowledge, we will able to work for our basic needs. As education is essential to everyone, should people from certain ethnic backgrounds be given greater access to education than the others? In my opinion, everyone should be given an equal chance to access education as everyone possesses equal human rights. Discrimination should not be practiced. Everyone has the right to obtain education and there should not be an unfair distribution of education. In addition, giving people from certain ethnic backgrounds greater access to education will result in wider income gaps between ethnic groups. For ethnic groups that attain better access to education, they are more knowledgeable than ethnic groups that do not have the advantage of access to better quality of education. With more knowledge, they will able to acquire better jobs with higher salaries. Their income will be greater than the others. Hence, this will portray a model country whereby, different ethnic groups are able to excel despite their differences. In conclusion, everyone has equal rights. Therefore, there should not be discrimination of ethnic groups where only certain ethnic groups are given greater access to education. Governments should provide education for all their citizens to decrease the illiteracy rate in their countries and hence improve the living standards of their countries.
Food, water and shelter are basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of a human. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves alive.
However
, nowadays, there is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure we can survive on this earth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to become knowledgeable. With knowledge, we
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to work for our basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
backgrounds be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than the others?

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an equal chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
possesses equal human rights. Discrimination should not
be practiced
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Everyone
has the right to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and there should not be an unfair distribution of education.

In addition
, giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
backgrounds greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will result in wider income gaps between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
that attain better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, they are more knowledgeable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
that do not have the advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. With more knowledge, they
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to acquire better jobs with higher salaries. Their income will be greater than the others.

Hence
, this will portray a model country whereby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
are able to excel despite their differences.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
has equal rights.
Therefore
, there should not be discrimination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all their citizens to decrease the illiteracy rate in their countries and
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standards of their countries.
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IELTS essay Do you think that people from certain ethnic backgrounds should be given greater access to education?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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