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Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view.

Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. olV3
People suppose that the government squanders money on arts instead of plunging that amount into something more important. Partially agreeing because its a good decision or practice only if that’s concerning with benefiting people and adding quality into their life rather than utilizing arts as a means to generate revenue/profit. Government invests and also encourages in conducting art fairs and exhibitions through which they attract mass population thereby creating a large income through which preferably little is distributed to the respective people indulged in organizing and to everyone who’s part of making the event a huge success. However, best aspect is that employment opportunities are created for unemployed folks. This initiative is greatly appreciable due to the fact that there are already very few individuals showing interest in arts than in science and technology over the period of time. Secondly, that kind of motivation on persuing arts as a career is comparatively less encouraged in this generation. Also, arts remind about the historic aspects and diversifying art culture in the country. To sum up, the investments should be made only if majority of the people are able to make the most out of the events supported by government. Ofcourse, encouraging some activities that sooth our mind and enlightens that creativity in us is most important.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
suppose that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
squanders money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
instead
of plunging that amount into something more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Partially
agreeing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision or practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if that’
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
s concerning
with benefiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and adding quality into their life
rather
than utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a means to generate revenue/profit.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
invests and
also
encourages in conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
fairs and exhibitions through which they attract mass population thereby creating a large income through which
preferably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
is distributed
to the respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indulged in organizing and to everyone
Did you mean "whose part"?
who’s part
of making the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
a huge success.
However
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
aspect is that employment opportunities
are created
for unemployed folks.

This initiative is
greatly
appreciable due to the fact that there are already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few individuals showing interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
than in science and technology over the period of time.
Secondly
, that kind of motivation on
Possible spelling mistake found.
persuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a career is
comparatively
less encouraged in this generation.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
remind about the historic aspects and diversifying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
culture in the country.

To sum up, the investments should
be made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
supported by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ofcourse
, encouraging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities that sooth our mind and enlightens that creativity in us is most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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