Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. KwV7N
There has been much debate about the role of famous people in society, some people believe that they may have a positive role in aiding organization, but others think that they have a negative effect on these issues, in my humble opinion I think that celebrities can influence a plethora of people and can help international organization. On the one hand, People argue that celebrities can help international organization; plethora of people make them role model and following everything they will do. so if they tell people that we must donate to these charities, many people will influence by them and follow them, furthermore many of these famous people have millions of follower in social media platforms and can advertise these campaign well. Hence Influencers have a great effect on people’s mind and can influence them to donate and make good things. On the other hand, Other people believed that famous people can make a negative impact on important and vital problem by their bad behavior; most of these influencers do achieve fame without really working for it. They may have inherited money or they may have appeared in gossips magazines. Moreover, most of their followers knowing the truth of the million of followers they have and they follow her for entertain only, not for their accomplishments. So, if they participate in this work, they will make these problem seem less important than reality. In conclusion, Famous people have a great effect on millions of people over the world, so we must take the advantages of these opportunity and from development of social media platforms to help international aid organization, and I am strongly agreed with first opinion.
There has been much debate about the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role in aiding organization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on these issues, in my humble opinion I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that celebrities can influence a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
international organization.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
argue that celebrities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
international organization; plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them role model and following everything they will do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
donate to these charities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will influence by them and follow them,
furthermore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have millions of follower in social media platforms and can advertise these campaign well.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
Influencers have a great effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind and can influence them to donate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things.

On the other hand
, Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and vital problem by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior; most of these influencers do achieve fame without
really
working for it. They may have inherited
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money or
they may have appeared in gossips magazines.
Moreover
, most of their followers knowing the truth of the million of followers they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
have and
they follow her for entertain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, not for their accomplishments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if they participate in this work, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Did you mean "this problem" or "these problems"?
these problem
seem less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than reality.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a great effect on millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take the advantages of
Did you mean "this opportunity" or "these opportunities"?
these opportunity
and from development of social media platforms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
international aid organization, and I am
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with
first
opinion.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts