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Some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time . What is your opinion

Some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion 6Y1r
Majority of people think that children's spare time must aimed at educational activities, whereas they will waste their time. For some it is a positive side of spending free time, however others say overhead mental thinking can effect negatively to brain. In this essay, I will highlight my own opinions in terms of this situation, and give reasons with examples. Admittedly, educational activities are suitable and fruitful when children have free time. In other words, children must train only mental knowledge otherwise, they will lose value of time. One reason for this is that children need establish their foundations for their future. Factually, it is better that mental exercise rather than watching television, playing computer games or physical workouts. Consequently, they are not face barriers while to start their huge life. Others view say that this idea is not very palatable, which children's free time must include physical activities such as playing football, yoga, keep-fit, and it would be mentioned to relaxation. In fact, people's brain is not well adapted for much educative works. As a consequence, their brains are in the routine and brain do not obtain huge pressure. In my humble opinion, everything that elevating and leisurely way of spending free time should be well grounded to an order, herein, both brain and body is not occur any fatigue. To sum up, some people's argue show that free time of children must contain only intellectual labour, while others position show free time aimed at relaxation, Personally I believe it is more confident that if you do everything according to order.
Majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that children's spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
aimed at educational activities, whereas they will waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
however
others say overhead mental thinking can effect
negatively
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
. In this essay, I will highlight my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions in terms of this situation, and give reasons with examples.
Admittedly
, educational activities are suitable and fruitful when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
train
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mental knowledge
otherwise
, they will lose value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. One reason for this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need establish their foundations for their future.
Factually
, it is better that mental exercise
rather
than watching television, playing computer games or physical workouts.
Consequently
, they are not face barriers while to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their huge life. Others view say that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
palatable, which children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include physical activities such as playing football, yoga,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
-fit, and it would
be mentioned
to relaxation. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
is not well adapted for much educative works. As a consequence, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
are in the routine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
do not obtain huge pressure. In my humble opinion, everything that elevating and
leisurely
way of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be well grounded to an order, herein, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
and body is not
Consider using a past participle here: "occurred".
occur
any fatigue. To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's argue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
contain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
intellectual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, while others position
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
aimed at relaxation,
Personally
I believe it is more confident that if you do everything according to order.
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IELTS essay Some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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